shorty: all these lies

It is kinda stupid with all these lies

But I'm used to it.

-The Wedding Banquet (1990s version), movie, approx 11th minute.

comfortable prison

Being rich is a comfortable prison.

on Slogans

On Slogans

Slogans are like gimmicks, they often don't have a lot of substance, but they sure are appealing. So are slogans unhelpful or helpful?

On one end, a good slogan is a good reminder. Useful. A good slogan supports the building of good habits. A slogan like "you are what you eat" can help remind someone to be careful. In education, a good slogan might be "observe carefully and ask questions".

On the other end, a good slogan is a great excuse. Unhelpful. And the unhelpfulness is usually attached to ex-post rationalization, justification. A slogan like "love conquers all" is tied to the mental pattern of all-or-nothing thinking. Using the slogan, our loved ones can be both cherished and dismissed. ("They just need to love them more, and they do, I have to wait" is consistent with the slogan. But so is "they don't love me enough. Let's find someone who does")

The unhelpfulness of a slogan is often proportional to its vagueness. Vagueness about who and what and why. The slogan to "Save America" or "Save Our Community" is used by people of all sides of politics. It is a slippery slogan, and can be morphed to support just about any view. SAVE AMERICA by protecting abortion rights. SAVE AMERICA by ending abortion rights. Same pattern with immigration, regulation, etc.

The opposite of vagueness is a clear prediction. If we do this we will get that. And then with a clear prediction or hypothesis, we can gather data and determine whether it is true or not. Or at least if it is true or not today, or in this case. 

But in the calculus of slogans, vagueness is the superpower. Vagueness grants a slogan the ability to always be right. It connects to the drive of people to always be right. And what is better for someone who wants to always be right, than to have a slogan or belief that they cling to dearly, and that can never be proven wrong, and can always be twisted after the fact to be true.  

Such things are not helpful for the development of the mind and the development of insight awareness and careful observation. But those things are not the priorities. For many people they just want to feel safe, and feeling safe means they want to feel right (for some people, not everyone). And it is much more important, much much more important to feel safe with a vague slogan, then to have something that can give us clear direction by being testable. Because testable hypotheses are dangerous when we want to be right. Or when the rewards of our life depend greatly on being right.

For myself, my path hasn't been to get rid of slogans. But it's to be very careful about when slogans are helpful and unhelpful. And I would say more than half but less than 75% of the slogans I have adopted over my life have been UNHELPFUL. And today, I do have many slogans, unsurprisingly they are mostly Buddhist slogans, and they are helpful for now. But if I ever start using them to justify being right, protecting myself from seeing and observing carefully, those slogans will turn unhelpful. And I need to always be on the lookout for that possibility.

menu for those starting to explore Buddhism

So, you are interested in exploring Buddhism.  Great!

First things first. Exploring Buddhism doesnt require you to drastically change your life. If you already have another religion, you can absolutely keep it. Many people are Christians and also use Buddhism. That's okay.

Your main thing right now is to "try it on" like you would try on a shirt. See what fits. See what doesn't.

 So let's gwt started.

There are 4 ways I can recommend:

1) I can recommend a short-ish booklet. About 30 pages

2) you can mention a difficulty or question you have in your life, and I can share what buddhism says and what you might try

3) there is a long list of short poems (about 200 two line poems)

4) there are guided meditations (about 15 minutes to an hour) that I can recommend.

After that, you and I can chat. You tell me what is helpful and what isn't. And then I can offer more.  

I would also warn you that whatever you learn in Buddhism at the beginning might be something that changes later on. The reason is because Buddhism is quite practical and there will be different things that are useful at different points. So I wouldn't get hung up on what is the true Buddhism. At the beginning, it's a lot of exploring and trying things out.

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If #1, I recommend The Buddha's Teachings by Thanisaro Bhikkhu https://www.dhammatalks.org/books/#BuddhasTeachings

If #2, it really depends. If there is a lot of anger, the standard antidote is loving kindness meditation. If there is anxiety and worry, there are grounding things like simple breath meditation or my technique of 3 Last Breaths. If it is grief over a loss, it is to reflect on what hasn't died; when the Buddha's body died, his teachings and goodness did not die. So we don't lament his death. Often people need self care. Or to do less and slow down. But this is easier said than down. Slowing down might mean accepting chaos rather than trying to control it.

If #3, google the Dhammapada. Thos is very good because short poems allow a lot of personal interpretation. And having about 200 means you can focus on the ones that hit home and resonate.

If #4, I recommend two things.

First, there is a short Dan Harris video which is good for people who want to jump right in. And then Nikki Mirghafori has a lot of videos from Happy Hour at Insight Meditation Center.

 https://youtu.be/LKZ9sN3nL2c?si=StuE0PGwzpN76udZ

 https://www.youtube.com/live/KUMvmAcZ0So?si=v-8ZaRxP_ea5jwDS

Take the STEP

STEP is an acronym I use to review my orientation to the outside world. It is a diagnostic; go through the 4 item checklist and see if anyhting needs changing.

S is for SHARE. This is not just sharing physical things, but sharing your ups and downs and sharing time.  The opposite is to HIDE.

T is for TOLERATE. Be able to tolerate anything if it is needed to achieve a goal or task you want to. Sometimes, practice tolerating just to practice. The opposite is to be PICKY.

E is for EMBRACE. Go beyond just tolerating and embrace things that are difficult.  For a difficulty that doesn't have to do with people (like the weather or bugs), embracing means finding ways to enjoy it or find meaning in tolerating it. For people, it means embracing the hopes and dreams of others, wishing well to them, wishing success and good luck and metta to them.  The opposite is to DISTANCE, including just putting up with things.

P is for PAUSE. It means that we don't jump to our first conclusion. We can look at multiple sides. We can control our urges. The opposite is to be URGES, crazy cravings, we have to have it.

There may be times where you need different combinations of the STEPs, and that you sometimes might need to ignore one part. (Example: sometimes quick action is needed so we cannot pause. Sometimes we have to be more careful and we cannot share or we limit who we share with.)

But STEP gives you important options to consider.  Could I pause here? If i do, is it beneficial? Could I embrace instead of distance? Is it beneficial? Can I tolerate it instead of demanding things change for my comfort? Is it beneficial? Can I share more instead of just doing everything solo? Is it beneficial?

Doing the default because you have always done it that way... It is familiar, easy. But is it beneficial?