Dabbling: when is it helpful? when is it limiting?

 People dabble. And they dabble at Buddhism. And tonight I realized I've been too harsh on dabbling.

After all, I dabbled myself. On Buddhism and also other things (Chess, home repair, 3D printing, psychology)

Dabbling is normal and possibly necessary and unavoidable on the path of learning and exploration.

But dabbling is also an impediment at some point.

The question of dabbling is actually pretty essential. It speaks to learning and change. When something is important, dabbling is a good start. But if someone gets stuck at the "dabbling-stage", then they may not go very far.

The Bargain of Buddhism

I like gimmicks and hypotheticals. So, I love asking questions like, "Would you trade X for Y?" For example, would you trade that hamburger for a milkshake? Would you trade 10% of your income for an extra hour of sleep everyday? Etc.

In Buddhism, there seems to be inherent bargains. I often call these insteads. Do you want to chase fame and fortune? Or give that up so that you can develop the spiritual path?

One of my phrases I like to remind myself: "You can do anything you want. But you can't do everything." I've had people agree. And others violently disagree. Others want to have their cake and eat it too. And all cakes. And all pies. NO LIMITS, MANIFEST YOUR DESTINY, YOLO!!!

I'm smiling as I write this because there is a specific bargain that I have made for my own buddhist path.

CONS

1. Probably 90% of people will never understand you. Most will politely ignore you. Others may violently disagree.
2. You won't be as rich or popular as you could be. You might even be very poor someday.
3. You won't get to obsess about and get frequent sensual pleasure. Sensual pleasures span the range from [eating good food frequently] to [sex] to [being warm]. There are literal bugs and bug bites on the path to put up with. 

PROS

1. You will learn how not to let your brain and your habits hijack you.
2. You will learn resiliency. No matter what happens, you will be able to be okay. You don't get flustered when outside things don't go your way.
3. You will be harmless.
4. You will find pleasures that don't depend on the outside world. Over time, these pleasures will surpass the [sensual] pleasures you gave up.

I have made this bargain, somewhat deliberately, and somewhat by accident. I still get frustrated that 90% of the world won't understand me. I'd rather they did understand me, but there's not much I can do about that. (Consider, the fire sermon.) And I didn't seek out to be harmless. In fact, old-Eugene thought he was already harmless. (See Dunning-Kruger). But, I've realized that I can be much much more harmless. 

I'm very much happy with the bargain. I would not undo it. I am embracing of it. Life is insufficient (Uno Loko, Four Dhamma Summaries), and not a stable thing to grab onto for metaphorical "ground".

MONKS

I'm also inspired by the monks I've met. Explicitly, they take on the 3 cons listed above, becoming renunciants. And, via the Vinaya, they will get the first 3 pros. 

The last pro, the finding of pleasure... that seems to be very mixed. Some monks get it. Some monks don't. And it may not come quickly. As we look more and more at the mind and our motivations, we see behind the curtain, and we see the mess behind the curtain. And the mess is distressing, dreary, horrifying. It's like in The Matrix, where the traitor sells out the crew because reality is very depressing. He'd rather a nice pleasant lie. Lies are pleasant, but they carry unskillful insanity. Albeit an occasionally pleasant and familiar unskillful insanity. It does have its appeal. That's why it is so hard to let go of.

But the monks, many monks, stick through it. And I am so grateful that they have. Tunneling through the "burn" or "the hump" common to learning all things. The difficulty of the new practice does bear good fruit, albeit not quickly enough for the impatient. 

It's worth it. The bargain is worth it.

DANGERS and FAKE BARGAINS

The most dangerous thing isn't that the practice is hard or that people give up. The most dangerous thing, and perhaps I am biased from listening to Thanissaro Bhikkhu too much, is that people mistake fake-dhamma for the real-dhamma. If people go halfway, thinking it's all the way... thats a big danger. They stop short, aren't prepared, and can end up bewildered. And when the outside world gets extra messy, they will lose faith in the Dhamma. They might get angry at the Dhamma, like we've seen in Christian parables. When disaster strikes in the world, some people will curse God. "Why have you forsaken me!!???!" Buddhists may give up on the Buddha's message, reasoning that Buddhism is supposed to prepare them for fire and death and fame and blame. "Why haven't you prepared me for this?!!!?!" If taken to heart, fully, Buddhism does prepare us. It teaches us not to get too entangled. But the "halfway-dhamma" will not prepare us. Halfway-dhamma is bewildered by the dukkha of change.

What are the Fake-Dhammas? Going back to what I wrote earlier, some Dhammas suggest that you can have your cake and eat it too. These are often new-agey proselytizers who might be said to argue for Buddhism Maximization. Using the bargain framework, I would say they argue that you can have all 4 PROs without having to give up any of the things the 3 CONS say you have to give up. Put crudely, you can have all the sex, food, comfort, money, success, and fame you want, and on top of that, you can sprinkle on ALL the benefits of Buddhism and Mindfulness. Like a late-night infomercial... "for the low low price of $9.99 a month!" Or, as my childhood friend would say, "A new car!!!" (insert Bob Barker voice).

This isn't entirely false. It is possible to get maybe half the PROS without the renunciation of giving up the CONS. In fact, old-Eugene was a Buddhist Maximizer. I reasoned, "I'm really smart, so I'm going to be able to get everything I want without giving up anything I currently have, except maybe some of the bad habits and the clinging." And, I did just that. I had a lot of good food, praise, sex, money, etc. And I got bump-ups/boosts of more skillfulness. Maybe I became halfway calm, halfway resilient, halfway harmless, and half spiritually pleased. Which, I (mistakenly) thought at the time, was the full thing. I thought I was sooooo darn clever.

But, specifically, the PRO#1 was problematic. My brain had given up half the hijacking. But it ended up just trading my old hijacking (I need to be right. I need things this way.) for a new hijacking, (My new way is right. I need things this new way.) The fundamental issue of hijacking was still very unsolved.

Through a lot of trial-and-error and a lot of slow-steady guidance, walking through a fog of buddhism and soaking it into the robes ove weeks and months (rather than drinking it down in one gulp), I was able to develop dispassion.* Samvega. And this has been a big benefit. Without it, I would have stayed enamored of the entanglements of the CONS. A willing accomplice to my own hijacking.

So, there are dangers in the bargain. We can go halfway and get stuck there. Part of this is mitigated by having good spiritual friends. Part of this is mitigated by being unfailingly honest in our self-reflection. Part of this is also aided by having a good sense of humor, so we can laugh at our mistakes and learn from them

It can be a lonely path. Remember that the Buddha is your spiritual friend. As are your good habits, your virtue/sila. And the long line of others who have made the bargain, stuck to it, and gotten to taste the fruit of the results. And who then help others.

UUDR

==== NOTES

* I don't want to give a wrong impression that I've got dispassion nailed. I'm still a bit shaky on dispassion. It's not 100% stable. Some dispassion is very stable, tested, and has withstood challenges. Inflexibility of view that leads to tension and dogmatism has been easy to give up. Some dispassion is shaky as hell. Sexual thinking, sugary snacks, and warm socks are hard to give up. Netflix too. I'm still working on it, and finding it's helpful to remember: "Delight in developing. Delight in abandoning."

SHORTY: perfectly okay before

Sometimes what was perfectly okay (useful) before, becomes not okay when you get more skilled. 

"Stepping stones"

Instead.

180413 Thanissaro talk.

How to check your breath meditation: "Is This the Breath?"

 It's exciting that I've found a way to check my breath meditation that works for me, and that I think works for you. But, I had a lot of failed attempts.

What Works

It's simple. I just keep asking, "Is this the breath?" And I limit myself to two answers. "This is the breath." or "This is not the breath." And I keep repeating this.

What doesn't work

I've tried many things, and they don't work, at least not consistently. Unfortunately, the things that don't work don't fail 100% of the time. They work sometimes. And, in a measurement tool, a ruler that works sometimes is not a good ruler. Here are some things that I've found don't work.

Look at your poop (look with two eyes)

 Look at your poop. This is meant to be humorous and serious advice to people exploring Buddhism.

Why look at your poop? Well, first, what do you see when you look at your poop?

• Are you disgusted?
• Are you amazed at how different it is day by day?
• Do you see chunks of corn?
• Do you have an urge to wash your hands? (or wash your eyes?!?!! LOL)

Those are some common responses, valid responses. It is a pretty ordinary way of looking at poop. Look at it like you'd look at dog poop on the street. Kinda gross. Kinda peculiar.

But the poop is also you.

Notes to Rahula: The path of mistakes. Be observant, don't lie, and notice what is skillful vs not skillful.

 In MN61, Instructions to Rahula, the Buddha instructs his own son. Siddharta Gautama left the palace shortly after the birth of his son to pursue the medicant/monk life. His son chose, many years later, to join the monkhood.

I get the impression that Rahula was a dedicated but kinda lax monk towards the beginning. In this sutta, we get the strong impression that Rahula lied about something. The Buddha chastised Rahula, pointing out that someone who lacks honesty has very little goodness in them. They can't be trusted by others. But they also can't be trusted by themselves.

But the main reason I want to share the Rahula Sutta is relating it to the path of mistakes. Buddhism isn't about getting it right on the first try through sheer force of will. We all have lots of accumulated habits and tendencies. I have found, in my own practice, that trying to impatiently bypass my bad habits doesn't work. They are repressed for a bit, but they just come back stronger when I am in a weak spot, with low ability to fight off old habits (sex, food, praise, money, comfort). Buddhism isn't about how we act when we get everything we want; it's a lot about how we act when things don't go our way.

SHORTY: Imagination and "insteads"

A lot of my thinking has been about right/wrong thinking. One of the tricks to get out of it was the use of imagination and "insteads".

In particular:
DON'T: Think should or shouldn't I do this.
DO: What could I do instead?

DETAILS: (below)