On how to repay a teacher, not disappearing, and the problems of sarcasm.

I am incredibly indebted to Thanissaro Bhikkhu and the phrase of "Practicing the dhamma in line with the Dhamma, not in line with your preferences".  It paints a sharp line. If you know better, a follower of Buddhism is duty bound to not disrespect the Dhamma. One can make mistakes, even 100s of mistakes. But the transgression of the rule is to lie to oneself: to pretend one is earnestly practicing the Dhamma when one is just messing around, often using it for entertainment.

The phrase, "if you know better" is key. For years, I was using Buddhism is a way I would now see as questionable. I was dabbling with Buddhism and picking and choosing the bits that "resonated" with my beliefs that made me feel good. But, eventually I realized that the bits that "resonated" were often the bits that resonated with my bad habits, with greed or anger or wishful thinking. Or with self aggrandizement or some myth of "I am right (and ready to fight)" (see other blog post on the folly of fighting others for what is right).

The below text message is with a new friend who is inconsistent with communication, and hence, I mistook them as someone it's not helpful for me to interact with around Buddhism. But his email to me (that I am not including) reflected back that he had deeply absorbed and explored what I taught him, about being careful of being sucked into backstories (the "second Arrow" story in Buddhism). He just never reported back.

A student is never never never obligated to report back to the teacher. There is no "owing". But a student, especially in the modern informal age, should know that the majority of students (and even of monks) don't put into practice what a teacher teaches. In that information vacuum, a teacher has two quandaries: (1) they can't tell if you are putting in effort or, like the majority, just going through motions, and (2) they don't know what to teach you, since what is taught, especially in Buddhism, is tailored to the student's aptitudes and deficiencies. So help your teacher and help yourself: keep notes on what you do and don't do. And share the poignant parts (which are sometimes dull parts, by the way), so they can better guide you.  Otherwise, don't be shocked that a teacher writes you off or gives you generic fluff.

(NOTE: this is not how things were in olden days, in a full-time training center, or on an intimate retreat. The process of sharing the daily meal, watching how chores are performed and even just looking at nonverbal body language... a good teacher can grok/read a lot from just being in shared space with another person. So there, it's not as important to verbalize, because your actions will speak louder than your words. Some teachers (like Ajaan Maha Boowa, famously) are said to be able to read minds. But not all can, or some can only do so vaguely. So, it is helpful to speak up when you are having issues with practice or with an idea. But realize, also that a skilled teacher will not often give a direct answer. There is a lot of "try this or that", or "this works sometimes", or the dreaded, "work on it yourself and see what you can come up with" (!)".)

As for how a student can repay the teacher: I like the Thai response (Ajaan Fuang? Chah? Both?). A student repays the teacher by trying out and putting what the teacher taught into practice. Hence, it's fine if a student never reports back. The wish is only that the student put the teaching to good use, to develop helpful and skillful habits.

I'm happy to help you (and everyone) who earnestly approaches Buddhism.

I'm wary of two things (not just you): 1) people who jump to Buddhism only when they feel like it or in crisis. (This is like people who pray only when they want help). 2) and people who don't put in the work. In general, 1 hour of meeting should be linked to at least 1 or 2 hours of homework/personal practice. It's unfortunately common that people go to talks like they go to a movie, for some relaxation, and do 0 homework.

It's helpful whenever you report back to me what works and what you have tried, what ideas you've worked with. Like what you wrote in this text. You get just as much credit when you earnestly work with an idea as when you report back that it doesn't work for you. (I e., Don't pretend something works if it doesn't ). But you get no credit or negative credit when you don't report back at all. Hence, I had mostly written your earnestness off since you haven't reported back. until this message, which sets you more square.

As a slogan: don't disappear without a word.

If you do want to disappear, just send a note, like "I'm dropping Buddhism."

The person also is very sarcastic and I said to him that I will push him to not use sarcasm around me. He related this to an issue of disrespect to Buddhism (which it sometimes is, but sometimes isn't). And that sarcasm might be treating Buddhism as entertainment, not a serious and useful path.

My distaste for sarcasm is about sarcasm being 50% of the time a bad habit, a habit that promotes cynicism but also avoiding tough conversations. It can be useful as a stress reliever when things are very fucked up (like gallows humor), but the popularity of sarcasm is more indicative that most US society is very fucked up, and sarcasm is rarely a reliable sign that someone is clever. It mostly signals that they like appearing clever.

Commercials, a museum of "if only" thoughts

I'm watching TV (too much) lately. It's a strong negative in my concentration practice, but there is a sliver of a silver lining. It's like visiting a museum of all the "if only" thinking that I am learning to give up.

Gil Fronsdal has a fairy tale that talks about all the if only thoughts we have.

The jewelry commercial reminds me of all the "love is forever" stories. And the stories that "if you really love someone, it means...".

The car commercials reminds me of the "you deserve it" story. Gil Fronsdal talks about the time the car salesman said, "you deserve an air conditioner." (Back when AC was not standard).

The food commercials remind me of "indulge, revel". Reminds me of Thanissaro's comment on "obey your thirst"... A dangerous but common slogan of life.

So many commercials are aspirational. Whispering, "you deserve more, more". Like the new iPhone.

Then there are the guilt commercials. About germs and laundry detergent.  "Is it really clean unless you..."

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I like to remind people how much can be done with so little. Buddha was 2600 years ago. Christ was about 2000 years. They didn't even have clean water. Medical knowledge was very rudimentary. Communication was verbal... You had to walk to the next town to learn what someone might be teaching. Famine was commonplace.

With that said, modern life has way more temptation. Commercials and ads are virtually unavoidable. We are whispered, "more, more, more" all the time, and all over the place. And it's much easier to just show the good side (i.e. lie by hiding drawbacks).

There is a culture of commercials, to suggest that you can have all the upside with none of the downside. And maybe none of the work either. Get rich quick, get rich for free.

I am thankful I am somewhat innoculated/vaccinated against that line of thinking.

Rope, Wind, Escape, Binge

It's interesting to be coming off this long flu recovery. I've been sick for about 2 weeks. One week of fever. One week of cough and low energy. I am also here in Kansas where it's getting cold. And that cold is sapping energy and effort for me, too.

 

But I see this pattern! And I'm excited to finally see the pattern. Rope. Wind. Escape. Binge.

 The first two are things that happened to me (external), but that I'm a willing participant in, somehow. I feed it. I let it take over and dominate my narrative... because then I can get the escape. And then that creates urges that I then either succumb to or grab. The urge to escape. And the use of binging to escape.

I'm excited to finally see the pattern. Old me sort of saw the pattern, but loved to justify it and make up stories. Stories that I deserved these shiny (but shitty) escapes. Stories that this is normal, justified. Stories that I was doing better than other people so that's okay (shitty behavior justification machine). I still make up those stories, but a part of me is very good at watching me make up those stories. So I'm able to see these patterns. That's a big step in discernment, insight.

I also have to admit that I'm pretty lousy at remembering to use alternatives. Isn't Jhana something I have developed? Jhana is a good "instead"; it is a wholesome and heedful escape, into concentration, with equanimity. But I decide to wallow in Netflix or chess or porn. Which disquiet the mind but, moreover, are exhausting (not restorative, not restful). I can do better. I hope I can remember that I can do better.

The time the Bhikkhus did not delight in what the Buddha said

 In The Island (pg 97), there is a passage of the time the Bhikkhus did not delight and rejoice in the teachings of the Buddha. I have referenced it several times in helping me understand how against the stream the Buddha's teachings were. At the end, with full insight, all self identification, philosophizing, and metaphysical framework-ing has to melt away.

“He directly knows water as water ... the All as All. .. Nibbāna as Nibbāna, he does not conceive [himself as] Nibbāna, he does not conceive [himself] in Nibbāna, he does not conceive [himself] apart [or coming] from Nibbāna, he does not conceive Nibbāna to be ‘mine,’ he does not delight in Nibbāna. Why is that? Because he has understood that delight is the root of suffering, and that with being [as condition] there is birth and that for whatever has come to be there is ageing and death. Therefore, bhikkhus, through the complete destruction, fading away, cessation, giving up and relinquishing of cravings, the Tathāgata has awakened to supreme, full enlightenment, I say.” ~ M 1.3-194, (abridged)

At the end of the discourse the reader is treated to a rare finishing touch: “That is what the Blessed One said but those bhikkhus did not delight in the Blessed One’s words.”

It is said that the group of monks whom the Buddha was addressing were formerly brahmin priests and that perhaps this dismantlement of the conception of ‘being’ was too threatening for them to take. In addition, in other situations, even though the deconstruction of the sense of being that the anattā teaching provided might have been approved of, this was not always the end of the matter. For, no matter how hard the Buddha tried to convey that the teaching on anattā was not a  philosophical or metaphysical position, but rather skilfull means to free the heart, the teaching was regularly taken in the wrong way – and, not surprisingly, it has been repeatedly misconstrued in the intervening centuries 

Dear Humans. This blog is optional.

Dear Humans,

This blog is optional. What I write here in no way is specific advice for your situation. I want you to decide for yourself. I'm happy if you decide for yourself.

Yes. The Dhamma of Buddhism is the path to the end of suffering (or so sayeth Buddhism). It's both simple and complicated. Simple because it is about being free of craving... to achieve the end of suffering. Complex and intricate because clinging and suffering come in so many different flavors.

I'm pretty darn committed to the path, to understand and loosen every single flavor of that suffering and clinging. It's not easy. And so what I write here is my exploration, my field notes, my map. Your map will probably look quite a bit different. May you meet good mapmakers along the way, to help you fill in your blind spots.

What I'm trying to say with this post is: I'm not saying you need to agree with me. This is true in two distinct ways. (1) you might not be trying to end all suffering. You might have a different goal. And if that's true, don't try to apply what I am sharing. It will be the wrong medicine. (2) even if you are trying to end all suffering, your path may be different. According to the Buddha, all paths must go through the 4 Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path. Like you need discernment/insight and you need concentration. But the exact sequencing and obstacles and the words you will use to describe--- all that will vary.

I am writing this, spurred by reading Group, by Christie Tate. I enjoyed it a lot. It is a wonderful path, with lots of overlap to what I've learned in Buddhism. But ultimately, it's not about ending all suffering in the Buddhist (monastic?) sense. But it has many lessons of learning to be comfortable in one's own mind, of listening to our internal machinations. And that is no small thing at all.