comfortable prison

Being rich is a comfortable prison.

on Slogans

On Slogans

Slogans are like gimmicks, they often don't have a lot of substance, but they sure are appealing. So are slogans unhelpful or helpful?

On one end, a good slogan is a good reminder. Useful. A good slogan supports the building of good habits. A slogan like "you are what you eat" can help remind someone to be careful. In education, a good slogan might be "observe carefully and ask questions".

On the other end, a good slogan is a great excuse. Unhelpful. And the unhelpfulness is usually attached to ex-post rationalization, justification. A slogan like "love conquers all" is tied to the mental pattern of all-or-nothing thinking. Using the slogan, our loved ones can be both cherished and dismissed. ("They just need to love them more, and they do, I have to wait" is consistent with the slogan. But so is "they don't love me enough. Let's find someone who does")

The unhelpfulness of a slogan is often proportional to its vagueness. Vagueness about who and what and why. The slogan to "Save America" or "Save Our Community" is used by people of all sides of politics. It is a slippery slogan, and can be morphed to support just about any view. SAVE AMERICA by protecting abortion rights. SAVE AMERICA by ending abortion rights. Same pattern with immigration, regulation, etc.

The opposite of vagueness is a clear prediction. If we do this we will get that. And then with a clear prediction or hypothesis, we can gather data and determine whether it is true or not. Or at least if it is true or not today, or in this case. 

But in the calculus of slogans, vagueness is the superpower. Vagueness grants a slogan the ability to always be right. It connects to the drive of people to always be right. And what is better for someone who wants to always be right, than to have a slogan or belief that they cling to dearly, and that can never be proven wrong, and can always be twisted after the fact to be true.  

Such things are not helpful for the development of the mind and the development of insight awareness and careful observation. But those things are not the priorities. For many people they just want to feel safe, and feeling safe means they want to feel right (for some people, not everyone). And it is much more important, much much more important to feel safe with a vague slogan, then to have something that can give us clear direction by being testable. Because testable hypotheses are dangerous when we want to be right. Or when the rewards of our life depend greatly on being right.

For myself, my path hasn't been to get rid of slogans. But it's to be very careful about when slogans are helpful and unhelpful. And I would say more than half but less than 75% of the slogans I have adopted over my life have been UNHELPFUL. And today, I do have many slogans, unsurprisingly they are mostly Buddhist slogans, and they are helpful for now. But if I ever start using them to justify being right, protecting myself from seeing and observing carefully, those slogans will turn unhelpful. And I need to always be on the lookout for that possibility.

menu for those starting to explore Buddhism

So, you are interested in exploring Buddhism.  Great!

First things first. Exploring Buddhism doesnt require you to drastically change your life. If you already have another religion, you can absolutely keep it. Many people are Christians and also use Buddhism. That's okay.

Your main thing right now is to "try it on" like you would try on a shirt. See what fits. See what doesn't.

 So let's gwt started.

There are 4 ways I can recommend:

1) I can recommend a short-ish booklet. About 30 pages

2) you can mention a difficulty or question you have in your life, and I can share what buddhism says and what you might try

3) there is a long list of short poems (about 200 two line poems)

4) there are guided meditations (about 15 minutes to an hour) that I can recommend.

After that, you and I can chat. You tell me what is helpful and what isn't. And then I can offer more.  

I would also warn you that whatever you learn in Buddhism at the beginning might be something that changes later on. The reason is because Buddhism is quite practical and there will be different things that are useful at different points. So I wouldn't get hung up on what is the true Buddhism. At the beginning, it's a lot of exploring and trying things out.

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If #1, I recommend The Buddha's Teachings by Thanisaro Bhikkhu https://www.dhammatalks.org/books/#BuddhasTeachings

If #2, it really depends. If there is a lot of anger, the standard antidote is loving kindness meditation. If there is anxiety and worry, there are grounding things like simple breath meditation or my technique of 3 Last Breaths. If it is grief over a loss, it is to reflect on what hasn't died; when the Buddha's body died, his teachings and goodness did not die. So we don't lament his death. Often people need self care. Or to do less and slow down. But this is easier said than down. Slowing down might mean accepting chaos rather than trying to control it.

If #3, google the Dhammapada. Thos is very good because short poems allow a lot of personal interpretation. And having about 200 means you can focus on the ones that hit home and resonate.

If #4, I recommend two things.

First, there is a short Dan Harris video which is good for people who want to jump right in. And then Nikki Mirghafori has a lot of videos from Happy Hour at Insight Meditation Center.

 https://youtu.be/LKZ9sN3nL2c?si=StuE0PGwzpN76udZ

 https://www.youtube.com/live/KUMvmAcZ0So?si=v-8ZaRxP_ea5jwDS

Take the STEP

STEP is an acronym I use to review my orientation to the outside world. It is a diagnostic; go through the 4 item checklist and see if anyhting needs changing.

S is for SHARE. This is not just sharing physical things, but sharing your ups and downs and sharing time.  The opposite is to HIDE.

T is for TOLERATE. Be able to tolerate anything if it is needed to achieve a goal or task you want to. Sometimes, practice tolerating just to practice. The opposite is to be PICKY.

E is for EMBRACE. Go beyond just tolerating and embrace things that are difficult.  For a difficulty that doesn't have to do with people (like the weather or bugs), embracing means finding ways to enjoy it or find meaning in tolerating it. For people, it means embracing the hopes and dreams of others, wishing well to them, wishing success and good luck and metta to them.  The opposite is to DISTANCE, including just putting up with things.

P is for PAUSE. It means that we don't jump to our first conclusion. We can look at multiple sides. We can control our urges. The opposite is to be URGES, crazy cravings, we have to have it.

There may be times where you need different combinations of the STEPs, and that you sometimes might need to ignore one part. (Example: sometimes quick action is needed so we cannot pause. Sometimes we have to be more careful and we cannot share or we limit who we share with.)

But STEP gives you important options to consider.  Could I pause here? If i do, is it beneficial? Could I embrace instead of distance? Is it beneficial? Can I tolerate it instead of demanding things change for my comfort? Is it beneficial? Can I share more instead of just doing everything solo? Is it beneficial?

Doing the default because you have always done it that way... It is familiar, easy. But is it beneficial?

Losing is embedded in "Winning", careful

Having spent a good amount of time in a rural school in Thailand, one of my takeaways is that most learning feels like losing. And nobody likes to feel like losing. A change of perception can flip most learning into feeling like winning. But this is easier said than done.

What feels like winning? Goofing off feels like winning. Playing feels like winning. Eating all the salty food you can get feels like winning. Ice cream feels like winning. In short getting what you want and not putting in much effort is what feels like winning for the kids. 

But if I reflect on my own life, I am also a captive of wanting to win. Air conditioning feels like winning. Getting a good deal on food feels like winning. Being generous to a stranger feels like winning. Sexual experiences feel like winning even though they also feel like losing. Praise feels like winning. These are the things we want. These are the things I want. 

I think the big Buddhist insight is that winning isn't all it's cut out to be. Because embedded in winning is losing. There's a list of the three kinds of suffering and one of the kinds of suffering is when things we want and and change. Another form of suffering is the maintenance of the things that we want and like. If we like things to be clean, we need to constantly clean them. Or pay someone to do it. And even then it may not last as long as we would like. Aside, in Thailand there are a lot of little lizard shits and mosquitoes and it's very hard to avoid these in rural Thailand. In Bangkok the surefire way is to live very high up in a condo that is pretty sterile to mosquitoes and lizards. 

I think this is part of the idea of right view. When we get the winning we can enjoy it, but we want to see the losing embedded in it. We want to see the disappointment. We want to see the striving. We want to see the impatience. And we want to see how we contribute to those negative qualities. 

Sometimes when I talk about Buddhism I tell people the following: if there is a way for you to get everything that you want all the time go for it. If you can truly get that that is what everyone is looking for. Part of Buddhism is the maturity to realize that that doesn't exist. And that how are mind reacts when we don't get what we want, that is one of the biggest things that we can deal with. If we learn how to face it we can be ready for any situation. And if we don't learn how to face it we can be unprepared even when we're getting everything that we want, because when the part that we don't want appears then we can go into anger or sadness or frustration or impatience or problem solving mode. 

This is part of the beautiful Buddhist pattern that I treasure to have learned. Embedded in all craving is suffering. Maybe not a lot. And maybe also a lot. But it's there. And we want to learn to notice it, and become sensitive to it. 

The alternative is to seek all the craving and satisfaction and gratification that we can get, and then complain and be upset when the suffering comes. It's like getting excited when the ball goes up, but getting frustrated when the ball comes down. But every time we throw a ball up it will come down. If we start seeing this we're not bewildered when the ball eventually starts to come down. 

We also need to be careful not to have the message that winning is stupid. Or that pleasure is stupid. Pleasure is just a normal part of being in the human physical body. My teacher are Ajahn Geoff, has said that if you remove all pleasure from someone's life they will reject it. So people who talk about the Buddhist path is the path of suffering are teaching something that's very not Buddhist. Renunciation is a part of the Buddhist path. And there is something like suffering for parts of the Buddhist path. But there are other parts of the Buddhist path that are luminous and satisfying and fulfilling and nourishing. And that all feels like pleasure. And that wholesome pleasure is something to be embraced used and developed. Keeping in mind that eventually we might need to let go of some of those wholesome pleasures, or at least let go of our grasping for those pleasures. What we need to learn is not to be stupid about pleasure. We need to learn to use pleasure to help us develop to heal and to pause. When we do that pleasure becomes a helpful thing, helpful for the path, a stepping stone on the roadmap to our development. 

So we need to be very careful about the idea of winning. We cannot worship winning for its own sake.