Buddhists stay in the closet

I'm exploring LGBTQ pride month here in the Bible Belt. And there is a big conflict. Some people want to deny the existence of gays (see conversion therapy, yuck). And others, advocates, say things like Silence = Death.

One TV program said that living in the closet is hell, and that one can't live in the closet, hiding. The route talks about authenticity, and needing to be seen, so others can see that it's okay.

These are important and powerful, public shows of acceptance for people as they are.

And, in the processes of public life, which includes identity and interpersonal interaction, the publicness of things is important.

Which makes it contested. A battleground.

Buddhists, however, are fine with our spiritual lives being in the closet. We display, publicly, via maroon robes, shaved heads, and shaved eyebrows who we are. But we don't broadcast or evangelize. And, furthermore, there are many who keep their Buddhism quiet. Because, in the depths of Buddhism, it's a solo journey. Yes, the path is much easier if you have teachers. But it's not essential. The Buddha didn't have a teacher. And had a long time meditating and developing on his own. Nobody can meditate for you. Or save you for you (unlike the parable of Jesus).

So Buddhists stay in the closet, in a sense. There is no part of the path that says we gotta put up a billboard.

For Buddhists, silence is no death.

For Buddhists, staying in the spiritual closet has a safety to it, a heedfulness to it.

SHORTY: never waiting for an apology

Thank you, Buddhism.

Buddhism means never having to blame other people for what goes on in my mind.

Buddhism has meant that I will never have to wait for apology or the outside world to change before moving on.

MORE

What happens in my mind is up to me. Or, more precisely: partly and definitively up to me. Yes, the past and my conditioning/habits affect my mind. But my present/now allows me to influence it. To open some gates and close others. And, if I build the will to stop some habit, that habit can lessen and stop.

It's not easy.

But it is always a choice I have, especially since I have been shown/see the path. (That is, people who can't even see the path or who have never been shown... They aren't culpable.)

And hence, I'm never waiting for an apology. There is no story I'm looking to draft others for (the romance story, the social justice story, the X-is-right story). There are no wrongs to be righted so that I can calm/tame the mind.

 This is different from "there are no wrongs". There are morals. The 5 precepts. And, above that, it is unskillful (socially and personally) to hurt other people. And oneself. But the simile of the saw stands out. Even from the greatest injustice, that affects you and your kin directly, one can (and must) have Metta. Not Metta to the injustice. But Metta for all beings, without exception.  It is akin to "hate the sin, love the sinner". Because that is the skill that is sometimes needed. To calm the mind when all we can see is revenge. Or, harder yet, naked pain.

SHORTY: Stories as stress

All stories are stress. (But sometimes the stress is "hidden".)

But some stories help us release the stories.

Including itself.

-inspired by thanissaro bhkkhu 050101 - protection from fools

Practicing the Dhamma in line with the Dhamma VS I am special

"Everyone is different.

Then you realize everyone is the same.

And then, everyone is different."

  (Recalled memory of some Dhamma story)

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Let's get the main point out of the way.

It is important and essential to practice the Dhamma in line with the Dhamma if one wants to make progress in Buddhism.

* Most people practice the Dhamma in line with their preferences.

* Looking for ways for Buddhism to justify what you like to do is a dead end

* It's okay and normal to mess up: to think you are in line with the Dhamma but actually aligned with your preferences or Kilesas. To notice one's off-ness... that noticing is in line with the Dhamma. (See blog post: path of mistakes)

It's important to entertain, skillfully and with good timing, "I am not special."

I've met a few people who really wanted to study some Buddhism or some path to the end of suffering (though they don't call it Buddhism). And, putting aside other flaws, they all had a flaw that they couldn't see: they thought they needed to understand and explain themselves before they could get started with Buddhism. I'd talk to them about the basics: maybe watching the breath, maybe Metta, maybe generosity/gifts. And, these people would mostly want to say, "that sounds good, but first I have to tell you about this feature of my life, and this argument, and this truth I discovered, and, and ,and..." Delay and distraction, maybe, (subliminally?). But, maybe just a unwise view that they needed to keep all those ideas.

It ultimately really hard to imagine a path that isn't filled with the narrative and goalposts we used to have. For them, Buddhism isn't about getting new, better goalposts (which is 100% true.. the eightfold path becomes the goalposts), but rather Buddhism is something they fit into their existing goalposts. And since everyone has different goalposts, snowflake like (they are similar, but different when looking up close), there isn't a surefire way to approach dismantling of goalposts. There are some regularities. Like dismantling the goalpost of chasing money. Or the goalpost of chasing pleasure.  But romance is highly varied. And self-worth comes in 1000s of flavors. And some might even chase justice unskillfully. Or chase Goodwill and generosity poorly.

This isn't to look down on any specific person. I was stuck there for a long time. I was stuck where I thought I could fit Buddhism into my general do-goodery and save-the-world grandiosity.  After all, Buddhism was good, and doing good is good, therefore, by my feeble-at-the-time logic that meant Buddhism and my do-goodery we're the same! I was so lost, I couldn't see my mixed up goalposts at part of the problem. I clung to the goalposts because they seemed like the solution.

Recently, the snowflakiness (pun intended) has manifested in people sharing their origin story or some essential narrative and saying, in essence: "I want to learn Buddhism, but first I have to tell you about these idiots I just roasted". And then a wall of text, 5 pages long, painting others in a light so that their own first player glory can be depicted. Tiresome

Was I ever this tiresome? Yes! I still am sometimes.

But I am noticing, and not falling into the hole I just dug. 

When I do lapse, I mostly catch myself and laugh, remembering some key lessons.

* Gil Fronsdal telling me his one word wisdom: "ridiculous".

* My own mantra+koan: Rope and Wind

* 3 last breaths

* The simile of the saw

* 100 years, all new people

* Nothing is enough

* What is this (?)