Hello to your mind. How is your mind today?

Hello, you.

How is your mind today?

Yes, I know this is an odd way to start a conversation. It’s not small talk. It gets to the heart of the matter, and nudges you in a way I want to nudge you. Your mind is important. How is it today?

I don’t like the standard opening as much: How are you doing?  That put the emphasis on the outside world. It’s important for me to distinguish between the inside world (your mind) and the outside world (people, the affairs of life, your physical surroundings and comfort). The outside world will keep changing. It isn’t under your individual control so much. But the mind is only under your control. In fact, you are the only one who can say how your mind is directly. How it is experienced?

Our mind is our safe harbor. Terrible things can be happening in the outside world. We, ourselves, can be hungry or cold or mistreated. But there are those in the world where the outside world doesn’t invade their mind as much. To quote various writers, they can feel the pain, but not the suffering.

There is another, unfortunate pattern to the mind that we don’t like to admit. Underlying most everyday happiness is suffering. Put more starkly, getting what we want is awesome, but unreliable. That unreliability is the suffering.

For a long time, I mostly got what I wanted, out of relationships, sex, money, etc. And, while the high lasted, it wasn’t too difficult to feel great. If asked how my mind was, I would have said, “My mind is great. I have a great life. Good girlfriend/boyfriend. Good sex. My job is stable. I have lots of friends. Plenty of money… always good to have more but I have enough.”

Rereading that, I now notice I started it out with a lie. My mind wasn’t great. It was getting what it wanted. There’s a big difference. And when some roadblocks popped up, when something didn’t work the way it was “supposed to”, my mind went to very not great. It panicked about what is wrong, or how I could change things. It was also afraid of losing what it had. I would go to the gym to maintain my body in good condition. This is generally a fine thing to do (maintaining our health is helpful). Eventually the body will fade. So let us not neglect that we can develop the following skill: having a mind that could deal with my body not being in a good condition, deteriorating. 

My mind was not like that. I was in denial. My mind is not like that. But now I’m no longer in denial. I’m just starting to get to work.

nothing is enough - poem

There is a dharma talk by Gil Fronsdal that made a big influence on me. A man from Santa Cruz died and left a poem called Nothing Is Enough.

Here is the dharma talk. https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/audio_player/8865.html

Nothing is Enough

Or everything is not enough.

I have a hunger...

The hunger is me.

If I feed it, it wants more.

Mostly, it wants something else.

A wise person, said STOP.

...

Poem by Frank... Last name unknown

Mindfulness contemplation, topics

 These are my notes from the greater discourse on mindfulness. It gives many topics that one can contemplate and remember to investigate.

I went a long time just trying to do concentration practice. Well worth it, but it got stale. Currently, I am looking more at greed, anger, and delusion. Is it there? Is it not? And also the 7 factors for awakening. The earth, air, water, fire investigation is also useful.

Mn 10

Maha mindfulness topics

Gil fronsdal talks on these topics https://www.audiodharma.org/series/1/talk/1742/

 sutta 30 of Wings of Awakening

"Wings to Awakening: An Anthology from the Pali Canon" https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/thanissaro/wings/index.html which provides context.

Or here just for the sutta itself.

"Satipatthana Sutta: Frames of Reference" https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.010.than.html

Mindfulness of body

Around the mouth, body. In and of itself. Without greed and distress for the outside world

Also, origination and passing away, in line with causes and consequences

Without regard to likes and dislikes in the outside world

In long, out long. Or in short, out short.

Sensitive to body fabrication

Calming body fabrication

Walking, standing, sitting, lying down

Activities of the body. Fully alert.

Going forward, returning. Be alert. Looking toward or away. Bending and extending. Carrying cloak, robe, bowl. Eat drink, chew, savor. Urinate, defecate. Talking and silent. All alert

Sorting grain. Sorting and analyzing.

Parts of the body.

Earth property. Liquid. Fire. Wind/air.

Contemplate corpses. And my body will do this too.

Mindfulness of feelings

Pleasant, unpleasant, neutral

Same, but in the flesh or not in the flesh

There are feelings… as knowledge and recollection, but not entangling.

Mindfulness of mental fabrications/mind

Passion/ Greed and non greed

Aversion and non aversion

Delusion and non-dillusion

Constricted, scattered, enlarged, not enlarged, surpassed, not surpassed, concentrated, not concentrated, released, not released

Mindfulness of mental qualities

5 hindrances, present or not present. Wheel.

5 clinging aggregates

7 factors for awakening, present and not present

6 sense realms/objects

Four noble truths

Understand and identify suffering

Cause of suffering is to be abandoned

The cessation is to be achieved

The path is to be developed.

Audio: Eight Worldy Winds

 New audio episode. Episode 4

https://anchor.fm/nothingisenoughbuddhism/episodes/Episode-004-Eight-worldy-winds-ennoo3

Pleasure and pain

Gain and loss

Praise and blame

Fame and ill repute

We can't escape these, but we can not get too caught up in them.

The etiquette of pissing (urinating)

 One of the teachers I follow says that the Vinaya (227 rules for buddhist monastics, and commentary) is full of good lessons. It particular, it gives specific examples of heedfulness. 

I finally read through all the rules and most of the commentary compiled by Thanissaro Bhikkhu (Buddhist Monastics Code, free online)

This is a bit of a gem.

73

Not being ill, I will not defecate or urinate while standing: a training to be observed.

Arguing from the Commentary’s allowance under the following rule, it would seem that a bhikkhu who needs to urinate, finds himself in a public restroom, and can no longer hold himself in while waiting for a toilet, would qualify as “ill” here and so would be able to use a urinal without penalty.

My dad recently has told me not to pee standing up, and I have to admit that I haven't been 100% in following it.

I think this rule makes a lot of sense with regards to keeping toilet areas clean. Back in the buddha's time, I would guess this meant squatting by the hole rather than spraying all over the place (and missing). Nowadays, with modern toilets, it's about sitting down. Urinals are not allowed (a modern interpretation of the rule).

I have noticed that the dhamma rules are judged based on the same principle as what was taught to Rahula. Look at the results. If they are good, keep the rule. If they are not good, revise it.

Although one could make a rule that says, "if you have to pee standing up, be careful." But buddhism has a different calculus. What is gained by letting monks pee standing up? Not much. And what is gained by asking monks to not stand up? Not that much either, but it avoids a few complications. Pissing when windy. Accidental spray.

Heedfulness also is at play here. Some sects of buddhism even proscribe the position one should use to sleep. So, having clear rules is helpful training for the mind. More precisely, it wrests control away from the mind that tries to just do what it feels like. It asks the mind to do things in a very very careful way. Watching. Heedful. Alert. Mindful.

There is also the famous Kasambi (sp?) incident. As told by Kevin Griffin, the monks got split fighting about whether a monk followed the proper bathroom etiquette. In that day, it was the custom to have some rinsing water in a vessel by the toilet. Apparently, one of the monks failed to refill it. In the modern day, it would be fighting on if someone forgot to replace the empty toilet paper roll.

It started small but then became a full fledged disagreement. The community took sides. They lobbied the Buddha.

The Buddha, according to that telling and the commentary in the Vinaya (vibhanga), was so fed up, he left the community. The community realized what they were doing... Creating dukkha, stress, and animosity. They resolved it. My memory tells me that the Buddha didn't have to decide one way or another... And this is testament to his teaching ability. Letting them figure it out helped them much more than hectoring.

It is an interesting study in the human behavior around partisanship and division. People who are prone to argue will find something to argue about. Having a mind primed for argument is a cause of arguments.

In my own life, it reminds me to be careful with whom I associate. There are plenty of people who are prone to fights. They would even fight about rules for pissing.

I'm fine with just following the rule as a training and as heedfulness. Sitting down isn't going to get in the way of the dhamma practice. In fact, putting aside my likes and dislikes is good practice.

After all, the (outside) world is insatiable, insufficient, a slave to craving. It does not endure.

https://www.dhammatalks.org/books/ChantingGuide/Section0013.html

ZoomBuddhism: My favorite 4 FREE buddhist links, Nov 2020

 With the COVID-19 pandemic, there has been a giant explosion of online resources for Buddhism. Most retreats have moved online. I've nicknamed this ZoomBuddhism, or the Zoom Buddhist Explosion. I am very happy about it.

Here are the resources that I find to be the best, along with some details:

• AudioDharma - https://audiodharma.org/  (FREE)
   This is my "home base" for where I started Buddhism. There are about 1000+ recordings and quite a few videos (since 2020, especially). Gil Fronsdal connects very well with me, but I have gained from many of the teachers. I also appreciate being able to search odd topics, like itching or sex or lying or boundaries or ???. There is also a basic app.
• Insight Meditation Center - https://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/ (FREE)
  This is the physical center for AudioDharma, located in Redwood City, CA. With COVID-19, there are no in person gatherings, and the teachers are now doing live Zoom sessions, with YouTube Live streaming too usually. The best place to get started is to find a session on the calendar: https://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/calendar/. If you are timid, look at the archives which are mostly un-edited, raw sessions. Often, they offer "guided meditation", which are words that guiding you in how to breath or visualize things. These are often a very good entry point for new people. (UPDATE 2022: They have a voluminous youtube channel)
• DhammaTalks.org - https://www.dhammatalks.org/mp3_index_current.html (FREE)
  My main teacher these days is Ajahn Geoff, formerly known as Thanissaro Bhikkhu. This website has books, articles and audio recordings.  He has grown to be quite famous in the Buddhist and Vipassana world because of his frequent and voluminous work as a translator of early Pali texts.  The link is to audio, his evening talks. These are more traditional dharma talks, touching on a subject or idea. They aren't really about guided meditations.  Thanissaro Bhikkhu is on the stricter side of things. I appreciate that he isn't always "just feel good and be gentle". (UPDATE 2022, they have a youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/@DhammatalksOrg)
• Update 2022:  10 percent happier APP and website: https://www.tenpercent.com/ 
  I like Dan Harris and his relatable approach. He breaks it down very simply.   The caution here is that these techniques there are highly focused only on mental noting and decreasing reactivity. These are excellent things, but there are some elements of meditation that aren't simply noting or reducing reactivity. Notably, it de-emphasizes fabricating anything except relaxation, and the insight is perhaps limited to "letting go". 
• For alcoholics or people with other addictions: I recommend the Recovery Dharma, East Tennessee.  https://www.recoverydharmatn.org/meetings.html
  They do not mind if you are not from the local area. I stumbled on it when I went eclipse chasing in Aug 2017. It was a very sweet environment. Not large. Very earnest.
  Note the time zone is East Coast. Noah Levine has been censured for sexual misconduct, but he's no longer the head of the national organization. Plus, I feel that what he has done is helpful and earnest. His book is useful. Don't judge the book by the author's actions, especially the biggest lapses.

Outside of these free resources, I've found a lot of help from the following.

• Pema Chodron's Getting Unstuck audiobook on Audible. Really good about feeling stuck.
• Jack Kornfield's Buddhism for Beginners audiobook on Audible. About 9 hours, but very colloquial and with a lot of humor. I've re-listened about 10-20 times.
• Tricycle magazine is a great resource. It really spans a lot of Buddhism and it's intersection with more pop culture. If your view of Buddhism is too narrow, Tricycle will surely broaden it. (a few free articles online per month.)
• Try finding some of these on Overdrive or Libby in your local library. (where it might be free).

A few that I look forward to delving into:

• https://dhamma-dipa.com/
  I met Dhammadipa at a Thai Forest monastery for bhikkunnis in Northern California at Aloka Vihara. We had a really good dharma talk about pain. She answered my question about whether to open or close the eyes during meditation (it depends on the goal, a noting meditation or an inward focusing meditation).  I felt a strong depth in her practice while having a dhamma discussion.

On Contradictions and Getting the Most out of It.

A word of warning:  you will find a lot of contradictions in what you hear about Buddhism. Don't let this dissuade you. I like the phrase UUDR: Use what's useful, discard the rest. And, it's a good reminder to think about the lessons to Rahula (alternate sutta link). If you notice something helping you have less anger, greed, or delusion (which I also call wishful thinking or if-only thinking), keep going to that resource/teaching for help. Beware... there are things that are comfortable but not actually helpful. Getting what we want is comfortable, but actually breeds greed, anger, and delusion.  

Almost everything I've heard attributed to Buddhism is helpful at the right time.

Here's a specific example: Acceptance can be helpful or harmful.  If you are struggling with trying to control the world, acceptance can be very powerful. Just realizing and just noticing the present moment, whatever comes up, is very helpful. This is often early on the path (and sometimes later, too). But, Buddhism's overall richness isn't just about acceptance. If you accept your bad habits and impulsivity, you don't go very far to calming the mind. For me, it's a lot about thoughts of sex and relationship partners.... I fantasize a lot about finding love, companionship, and sex. So for me, a big part of my current practice is not accepting lustful thoughts and desires when they pop up.

The notes to Rahula of noticing and developing your watcher is very key. Because I also made the mistake of pushing away my lust and trying to squash it too hard, and that just made that impulse stronger. I actually needed to make friends with it, like befriending a problematic uncle who keeps coming back. And, then, once I really studied why the lust/uncle did what he did, I was able to figure out the Karma/causes of it. I was able to "garden" my mind so I didn't feed the lust impulses so much. The lust impulse still comes up, but I'm not hijacked so much anymore. I find I need to be accepting of the impulse, but not accepting of letting it run havok in my mind. And, that was a very, very, very hard lesson for me.

With all that said, probably the first 3 years, I didn't understand much of this and I just played talks before bed and while cooking. And, over time, a lot of this seeped in. Kinda like the famous saying attributed to Dogen: 

“Associating with a good person is like walking through mist and dew; though you will not become drenched, gradually your robes will become damp.”

With this post, I hope you find lots of fog!

PS. Funnily enough, I was trying to figure out how to kickstart Zoom-based communities in January of 2020 (https://buddhistfriend.blogspot.com/), but I couldn't figure out how to get people to seek it out. Well, COVID-19 changed all that! So now I can focus on figuring out apps and games.

SHORTY: May you have ease...

 I found this more helpful. "May you have ease with difficulty."

Instead of: "May you have ease." --- which is pretty good,but has a danger of creating a desire to avoid dis-ease.

Better: "May you have ease with difficulty." --- this is realistic and not wishful thinking. My goal isn't to have ease all the time by avoiding difficulty (in the outside world). My goal is to find ease even amongst the worst difficulties, aging, illness, death, loss, fear, anger.

See also The Sublime Attitudes, by Thanissaro Bhikkhu, for more discussion on the Theravada view of how to use metta for the goal of calming the mind and heart.

Excerpt: an alternate and safe pleasure

 You find that a sense of ease and wellbeing with the breath can do a lot more for you than any amount of status, material gain, praise, outside pleasures—any of the ways of the world. A sense of ease and well-being that come from within: This is really all you need because it fully nourishes the mind right now.

Excerpt from https://tricycle.org/trikedaily/less-more/ by Thanissaro Bhikkhu AKA Ajahn Geoff

Childhood causes and consequences

One of my strong interests during my retirement is childhood trauma and adult life outcomes.  Many of us know about PTSD, which stands for post traumatic stress syndrome. Well, kids living in poverty and trauma are often (but not always) exposed to continuous traumatic stress. Consequences can include learned helplessness, impulsivity, and decreased attention and concentration.

The way kids are setup from birth to age 5 can set them up for success or difficulties that are far reaching.

Several books and studies have informed my understanding. The ACE, adverse childhood experiences survey is a big one. I first learned about it in the book The Body Keeps Score. A general overview of stress for lay people is Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers. Both those books deal with stress overall, but have chapters that link to early childhood.

The surprising thing is that the consequences of this early stress to lifetime outcomes is something like 10X worse than cancer or drunk driving or cigarette smoking, some of the larger debilitators of our day. But it is a third rail, of sorts. People don't want to be told how to raise their kids.

On Kanopy (web video service via my library), I happened on the 5 part web series: www.raisingofamerica.com. Several fascinating things.

1. The US military has affordable sliding scale child care for all service member families. It's low cost and high quality.

2. The "pro-family" lobby is ideological, starting in the Nixon Era. Ostensibly aimed at keeping government out of the family, it often harms family. It often does so with an air of fiscal conservatism and anti-welfare arguments. Nevermind that these things reduce late-life poverty and other social ills (i.e. positive return on investment)

3. Child care often costs $10,000 a year to $16,000 a year per child. This is a burden or way out of reach for most middle class families.

4. The hardest are those families with nonstandard work schedules. Nurses who work split shifts or drivers who sometimes have mandatory overtime.

Alot of the policies aim for a national or state-funded program, funded via tax dollars. This could be beneficial, but is a big political fight. I'm curious what social policy labs could be done to introduce incremental change.

Putting on my policy brain, the startup costs of child care are very high. The business has to set up with various background checks, licensure, and training requirements. These can easily be on the order of 5k to 20k. While this isn't a big deal for larger centers, it is for a place that might want to only run a summer program.

I'm curious about whether Buddhist centers can venture into child care. Many catholic centers or schools do this. I did find a few centers that run in the Los Angeles or Denver areas. I don't know if these are run just for congregants/members of the religion, of if they serve a broader community.

In general, it may not be legal to informally babysit for more than 1 family and accept pay. Like, it may be technically illegal if I watch the kids of 3 families for a day at my house, unless I certify several things.

I think good programs like Boys and Girls Club or Big Brothers/Big Sisters understand a lot about the screening requirements.  Certainly, keeping kids safe is vital. But are there other ways than pretty onerous screening? It seems to be the case that, just to volunteer for a day, you technically are supposed to be screened. This then means organizations have to look for volunteers that are worth the cost of screening, so they demand up front commitments that are pretty large.

Cameras may be a big solution to the problem. If the kids are recorded and there are rules (like two adults in the area at all times), this can avoid sexual misconduct or neglect.

Crisistextline does an interesting thing. They provide crisis counseling via text. Everything is via text, so they are monitored in real time (the text-based analog to cameras) and logged.

I worry about barriers to entry for helping.

Lastly, who really wins from childhood trauma? Who is against wiping it out? Nobody is really against it. But some people feel like the nuclear family should solve it individually and without interference (even help is interference). And others feel like it's a waste of money.

There's not a ton of common ground, unfortunately. I don't see a grand bargain. And as long as states keep the costs of screening on businesses (and states CAN choose to pay for the background checks!) innovation will be stifled.

Keep getting back up

As I do my own practice, I'm constantly falling off the path. I have an intention, and I have a desire to not chase after greed, to not chase after aversion, to not chase after wishful thinking. But the old habits are strong, and I inevitably fold back into those old habits.

This is not a catastrophic failure. In fact the law of karma emphasizes that our actions and the results of our actions follow pretty clean laws. Getting stuck and realizing it is part of the path. So many people don't honestly realize it. So, give yourself credit for the awareness.

One of those laws of karma is that habits can be broken but they are very hard to break.  It takes time to create a new habit that takes the place of the old habit.

So with this, it really emphasizes the paramita of persistence. Of meeting setbacks with renewed sense of purpose. We want to be careful not to grit our teeth and force something, because we can create a new habit of forcing without having much impact on the old habit of our wandering mind. It's nice to just notice when I have fallen off the horse. Sometimes I'll just say oops. Or say "look, I fell off the horse." Or say the classic,  "I see you Mara I see you Mara."

Keep getting back up on the horse. There's no other way to learn to ride.

With that said, there's an important sense for me to remember the middle way. The middle way here is to be between forcing things and making too many excuses. There is one friend of mine who has great earnestness for this journey of Buddhism and calming the mind. But they also have a lot of habits. And I see them making a lot of excuses for why they can't take a moment to follow the breath or making other excuses of why they don't practice consistently. I've advised them not to push too far, but to set very very simple goals for consistency. Maybe just a phrase to be repeated once a day. Maybe just reading the same passage before bed. 

And they don't have to do it consistently. What I mean by that is it's okay to mess up and skip a day. But the thing to be very careful about is to make excuses about skipping a day and then skipping another day and then another day. Because that reinforces the old habit that the spiritual path and the path of calming the mind is not that important. It reinforces the old habit that dealing with the world is the most important thing, so important that you can't take 2 minutes a day to work on your mind.

I feel like it's one of those friendships. The friend keeps complaining about something, maybe drinking too much. And they asked for help. But then they just never follow through with even the smallest steps.* There is some attribution of their failure to their lack of will. But I also understand that willpower is a finite resource, and the poll of our addictions is very very strong. But the second or third or 15th time they say I'm going to do better next time... At some point The helpful thing to do is to point out the pattern period and it's important to do so not from a I'm telling you so kind of mentality. But to do it with a really genuine open desire to help the other person. To do it with care and right timing so that it can actually be heard.

Sometimes people just like to wish for things and not put in effort. And that's fine but those are not people I like to be around, because they create problems for themselves and other people. I want to help people wish for things that they can achieve, to put in the effort to achieve them, and to achieve them. 

And in Buddhism, amazingly, calming the mind completely is possible to achieve.

*I don't live near them, and they aren't very good at communicating. So I don't know if they are being consistent or not. But when I ask them to tell me about their practice, it doesn't sound consistent. I hope I am wrong. Ultimately, their practice benefits or hampers only themselves, not me.

SHORTY: greed and distress without greed and distress

I missed a big part of the four foundations of mindfulness. Each foundation asks that I rest in the foundation in and of itself, without greed and distress for the world.

Lately, I've noticed that I was mindful but full of greed and distress.

It flipped with more awareness.

I was no longer adding greed and distress to the feelings of greed and distress. And that allowed the greed and distress to lessen.

Ardent, alert, mindful--how about 2 out of 3?

 The Buddha generated a prodigious amount of lists. I have found these helpful for my Buddhist development, the development of concentration and insight and calm, amongst other skills.

In describing right mindfulness in SN 45.8, the Buddha gives 3 qualities: ardent, alert, and mindful.

It's nice list.

My "look for shortcuts mind", likes to say, "can I get by with just 2 of these?" or "what if I get really good at just one of these... is that enough?" It's a fair question. And the answer is no. The reasoning to the answer is instructive.

Ardency refers to creating a desire for and a determination for something. Someone who is searching for a treasure is ardent when they really want to find it and want to succeed. Ardency alone is someone who isn't very bright, doesn't have the attention, and doesn't remember exactly what they are trying to do based on the treasure map. But they really really really want it.

Alert refers to someone who is watchful and, in many ways, focused on the details. Imagine a desert outpost, and there is a guard standing watch. Alert means that they are constantly scanning the horizon and able to notice small details. They have vigilance and don't get fatigued or bored. If you have ever had to watch over something (protecting something, watching a scoreless baseball game, or watching water boil), you know there is a lot of boredom and repetition. So, the alert are the ones able to keep watch and able to notice things. Alertness, in this way, is an ability, but is divorced from motivation. So, alertness alone might mean that someone doesn't know what they are looking for or someone who really would rather do something else.

Mindful, at least as far as Thanissaro Bhikkhu presents it, is not that special; it's simply keeping something in mind and remembering. If you friend says, "help me remember this phone number, 505-112-3883", then the mindfulness is just remembering that phone number. It seems very simple. Mindfulness is tested anytime we get distracted. So, you have the number in your head, but then someone you haven't seen for weeks texts you and you chat. And then you remember that tomorrow you have a doctor's appointment. That number can go out of your brain pretty easily. Mindful=remembering doesn't need ardency of alertness. It does help if the phone number is your friend calling from jail and who needs you to call them back tomorrow. And alertness can help you realize what the distractions are.

If we have none of these, we could be simply drifting through life, blown around by the ups and downs. Reacting.

When we have all 3, we make fast progress. It doesn't have to be Buddhism. I recently learned a little bit about playing the guitar. Ardency is what gets me to pick it up, even though there are other things in mind. Alertness helps me notice little things, like how much tension is in my fingers, where to put the frets, and a thousand other tiny details. Mindful=remembering helps me remember my purpose (learning the guitar) and corrects me when I want to drift off. Memory also lets me file away the things I learn from each lesson, so I can use them next time.

Now, let's look at having two of the three.

Mindful + Alert but no Ardency: No motivation means we won't keep coming back to it. Symptom: we'll keep finding other things we'd rather do and never go practice.

Ardent + Alert but not Mindful: We really want to learn and we notice little things. But I might sucked into the minutia or sucked into the wrong minutia. I'm reminded of when I tried to learn the guitar by watching a lot of videos... it doesn't work. You have to pick up the guitar and keep messing up. Or, this might be that you notice things, but you don't remember them. This is more prevalent in my learning of a new language. I'll learn vocabulary and the maleta is a Spanish word for suitcase. Spanish nouns are gendered, and this is female. But, though I'm getting lots of distinctions during the lesson, I don't remember these things when I am using Duolingo the next time.

Ardent + Mindful, but not Alert: This might be the toughest one. We are trying really hard. We want it very bad. We remember everything we learn. But we can't notice the details. I'm reminded of watching basketball. I like basketball and can enjoy the ups and downs. But, if I try to really understand the game like the way a coach might diagram a play, I just can't see it. I'm not alert enough to all the players away from the ball, and I'm not following the setup. All I can do is follow who has the ball, the passes, and the shots. It's a blessing to know I'm not alert enough. But, before I met someone who could see more, I was in serious Dunning-Kruger and couldn't understand what I wasn't seeing.

Applied to breathing meditation.

Mindful + Alert but no Ardency: It's hard to want to practice. There's so much our mind would rather do. We might force ourselves to sit still, but our mind just runs and runs and we don't want to bring it back.  

Ardent + Alert but not Mindful: We're really focused on the breath. We are noticing lots of little things. And then we get distracted by some thought of body sensation. We're no longer with the breath. We're with that itch on our nose. Fully alert. Very focused and trying to "win" the meditation even. But our focus is on the itch, not the breath. We don't remember to go back to it. 

Ardent + Mindful, but not Alert: We really want to practice, and that keeps us coming back to the mat. We are very focused and aware, like a sentry, when our breath has wandered. And, with mindful=remembering, we come back to the breath everytime we fall off. But, we don't get much better. Because we're not alert, we just notice "with-the-breath" and "not-with-the-breath". But not all the subtle causes. Or, we're with the causes, but not with the experience and sensations. Something is missing in our ability to watch it fully. Most notably, there are gaps (temporal) or blind spots ("spatial") in what we're aiming for: sustained awareness.

I'll leave it as an exercise to think through breath meditation when all 3 are aligned. I think it's helpful to see and explore what it means to be missing one. It heightens awareness to do this investigation. It helps you notice which element might be lagging on any given day. And then, rather than grit your teeth and "try harder", you can be a master craftsman, and make the adjustment to ardency, alertness, of mindfulness.

UUDR. May you practice well and develop insight, concentration, and ease.

The simile of the spinning top: concentration and calm

Like many little kids, I used to love spinning things. There's a magical mystery to things that move and keep moving and then stop moving. This might be a flicked quarter, a dradle, or Spinjas (TM).

A spinning top, at least from the perspective of me as a little kid, was a magic thing. Normally, things move because we cause it to move. Like my leg moves because I cause it. Or a squirrel in a tree rustles the branches. A baseball moves on it's own through it's flight. But that flight has a trajectory of a parabola. If you map the beginning, you know where it will end. This is not the case of a spinning top. Round and round it spins. When it stops, nobody knows.

It's magical, but carries some Buddhist wisdom to me.

Edward Bellamy and Looking Backward, the book

 In the 1880's, there was a blockbuster book that I have heard mentioned only once when talking to others: Looking Backward.

Here's what Wikipedia says about it:

Looking Backward: 2000–1887 is a utopian novel by Edward Bellamy, a journalist and writer from Chicopee Falls, Massachusetts; it was first published in 1888. It was the third largest bestseller of its time, after Uncle Tom's Cabin and Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ.

It's a Utopian novel, where a guy from the 1880's falls asleep and wakes up in the year 2000, where society has solved the issues of greed, corporations, war, poverty, crime, and starvation.

I read this book in my 20's, and it made an impact. It was logical. It was comprehensive. It discussed how society could function. I also liked a few things it predicted. That music would be available to anyone at the flip of a switch. That food preparation would mostly be outside the home. How to equalize the attractiveness of labor by adjusting hours worked per week rather than wages. It dealt with oversupply of some things, undersupply in others. A wholly reasonable work.

I'm halfway through treading it again at 40. A lot still rings true. There is enough productivity in 1/10th of America to give adequate food, housing, shelter and safety to every person on earth. Maybe add another 1/10th of America to give everyone basic health care and education. The elimination of crime and conflict would cover that 20% needed to provide it. And, since everyone is conscripted to be a general laborer for 3 years, everyone knows and understands what it's like to be in other people's shoes.

I love that the book has put choices and individual choice central to how society functions. Also, there are objective standards (Confuscianistic) and competency tests to get out of general laboring. One assumes they are fair.

However, there are some shortcomings. So far, there isn't much mention of race and gender relations. It doesn't touch on modern conflicts like the 2nd amendment or Abortion. It kinda assumes away tribalism and tribal conflict, tracing nine-tenths of crime to poverty or inequality or lust for money. They conveniently got rid of lust for money and replaced it with lust/competition for prizes.

From the Buddhism perspective, there isn't too much given to greed, anger, or wishful thinking. Equality gets rid of it in the book, but I have never known equality to solve much on an elementary school playfield, let alone in the arenas of adult competition. Even people who play baseball cheat and self-delude. Such is the rapacious nature of desire that two gold mountains could not satisfy.

I'm interested in finishing the book, but my memory so far tells me why I liked it before and am more skeptical now. It is true that things could work this way if people worked together. But such an equilibrium is unstable and rife for a demagogue of the Octavia Butler or Margaret Atwood dreamed of variety to take over the reigns of power. Manifest destiny shines brightly to those who see it least clearly. Or, there is the phrase, "this is why we can't have nice things".... something always messes it up.

There are also the problems of the left or of liberals. I've met many lefties who write eloquently and fight for justice. But then you find out their idea of justice is sometimes filled with alternate injustices. From the buddhism perspective, an example is that they want to get rid of racism but are okay with non-racist greed, anger, and delusion.

In any case, I do recommend the book. It's good reading and free to read (Project Gutenberg). UUDR.

Your bad habits will always give consent to your bad actions

For most of my life, I have been like a card carrying member of the left. And I still believe in a lot of the principles of the left. But I've always had an uncomfortable relationship with the ideas of political correctness, and needing things to follow a script about what is and isn't allowed.

One of the suspect concepts is the concept of consent, especially the broader concepts of consent.

This criticism that I'm lobbing is not against the whole idea of consent, but is really about the boundaries of when consent is helpful and when consent is not helpful. 

The straw man that I would beat up is the idea:

  giving consent is good. And anytime consent isn't given, it is bad.

Insert here the common example where in general the patient consenting to a procedure is a good idea. But there may be times, maybe 90% maybe you just 5%, where consent isn't helpful. There could be times where a doctor can highly recommend a procedure but the patient or medical proxy doesn't want to give consent because of fear or confusion or delusion. And there could be times where a patient wants to do something that isn't medically advised; consent is not really enough in this case.

But this is a blog about Buddhism, and the most important transgression where consent isn't useful because around our bad habits and our confusion.

 Imagine there is a magic little worm that lives in your brain and is generally very very painless. But it's hungry for certain types of experiences, experiences that wear us down, cause stress. If that magic little worm can somehow hijack your brain and generate consent, we would consider that little worm to be a little bugger and not a friend. But suppose that magic little worm is just able to whisper to your brain, to your consciousness. And the choice is still yours. But through sweet talk and hormones and neurotransmitters, that magic little worm convinces you to give consent. And it's not really that harmful, not at first. You actually kind of like those nice experiences. But when you're not in a hot states of craving, you admit to yourself that you don't really want to follow the magic little worm.

That magic little worm, in buddhism, is sometimes called our defilements. I never liked the word, defilements, because it sounds very weird. Borrowing from my upbringing and pop culture, there is the storytelling trope of the troublemaker. I like troublemaker better. Thanissaro Bhikkhu has called them something like fake friends. These are friends that get you into trouble and then disappear when the trouble shows up, so that you are holding the bag when the cops or danger appear.

I don't know your individual circumstance but I know patterns that I've seen and I know my own brain. In my own brain is a few hundred devilish little magic worms. And they have a very strong survival instinct. They'll let me have my calmness for a little while . But if I starve them, that's when they'll start fighting hard. And those little worms will whisper and lie however they can to get the consent and the assent of my mind.

Be careful of consent that doesn't really take into consideration your overall well-being or the well-being of the world. It is true that the world is full of tough decisions and weighing of competing needs: our needs, our friend's needs and the rest of the world's needs. What wise people do is make decisions and take actions knowing those causes and the consequences. What fools do is make decisions quickly and then turn the justification dial up to 11, pretending that the causes and consequences don't exist.

So I'm a little wary of the notion that people by virtue of being people always make good decisions when they're giving consent to things. That was a clumsy and long sentence. The sharper, and less precise, way of saying it is that I don't believe that people know what's best for them.

A skilled debater would retort, if they don't know who's best, who should know what's best period? do you think you know what's best for them? There's another blog post about that, based on a quote from Gore Vidal, maybe. The gist of it is: no, I don't know what is best for them. And it is very important that people have choice. Without choices, people are forced to be good, and they don't build up their motivation, understanding, or watchering muscle. And then when you give them a choice, it's very very messy socially and psychologically. 

The way to resolve this is to take a middle path. And that middle path can be characterized by being careful. Careful that the biggest dangers are sometimes the blind spots that we hold on to for years or lifetimes. And often with our consent, if not complicity.

the opposite of entanglement

Entanglement. It is the process of getting tangled, caught up in, trapped or limited by. We know physical entanglement; a mess of wires or walking into a giant cobweb. We also know social entanglement; getting swept up in the storylines of others. Or ourselves. Like going with a friend to a party and one thing leads to another and it's 3am and you are in the desert in a sticky situation.

There is a lot of entanglement in the world. And we like to pretend it is hidden, keeping it in our blindspot. Or we reason with it. Maybe this is as good as it gets. There is no escaping it, so might as well enjoy the ride. Maybe even the ride in the desert at 3am. Admittedly, there is a lot of fun in unreserved revelry. There is also a lot of fun in psychedelics and opiates.

Suppose we could make an opiate or psychedelic that had no drawbacks. No addiction. You could turn it on and off like a switch. Would that mean no entanglement?

In a way, yes; but in a more important way, no. Entanglements, in my old view, was always associated with the negative elements of an activity. Like love and relationships were possible in a pure form without entanglements, but it was because of my lack of skill but I kept on getting the entanglements. Same with physical pleasure. Same with money.

 But there's another sense of the word entanglements, which is how it gets me all caught up in or all tied up in some situation. And a situation is just a mental state really. Those are the dangerous entanglements.

So, as a ponder what the opposite of entanglement is, my old self would say that the opposite of entanglement is getting away with it. Partying all night but waking up without the hangover.

But my new self is much more broad in my understanding of entanglements. And that broadening viewpoint is beneficial because it keeps my nose clean and my mind out of trouble. So there are entanglements that I didn't think were entanglements before. And there are also things I thought were entanglements, that I no longer think of as entanglements. Putting an effort to develop skills is not fun. It takes a lot of work, and a lot of practice, to learn to play the piano or to rule one's own mind. But the difficulty of the work is (surprisingly) not an entanglement when the end goal is clear and worthwhile.

The opposite of entanglement isn't escape from entanglement in the old me view. The opposite of entanglement is seclusion. And its basis is heedfulness.

UUDR

Don't skip desire on the path

Reading my Wings Of Awakening, and I read the first bases of power (out of the four bases of power.

Developing

The basis of power

Of concentration

Founded on DESIRE

And fabrications of exertion.

It may not look like much, but I took a few gems from the teaching. First, I used to think that I needed to get rid of all desire. And here, it pays bare that sometimes desire is useful and helpful for developing concentration.

The second thing is to to really put in effort. The effort is white knuckling and parting for the outcome. It's a lot of putting in the inputs and really noticing. I am reminded of learning to play the piano.  Being impatient is not the way to go about it, nor is it good to be too patient and say, "well, maybe tomorrow."

I think it was a story told by Ajahn Fuang (?) about an actor going to Hollywood. The Ajahn asked, "what happens if they say you're no good. The aspiring actor said, well maybe I'll give up. "No!" replied Ajahn Fuang. Have some grit and get back up and try harder and be ingenious and resourceful.

For several years, I thought I needed to chill out more. And, in a sense, I did need to chill out more. But as I decreased the neuroses, I needed to amp up the watcher and the alertness, determination and endurance. I had endure the tough facing of my own bad habits, and endure the inner voice trying to make excuses.

Our bad habits fight to stay with us, like a banacle. It takes a lot of scrubbing to break free.

SHORTY: renaming GAD

It is sometimes helpful to take GAD (greed, anger, and delusion) and rename it. Renaming it makes it more personal, and hence more at the tip of your tongue.

I want it! I want it!

I don't want it. No, I. Don't. Want. It.

Spinning thoughts

(Not mutually exclusive. often appearing alone. Sometimes in pairs. Even sometimes all 3 at once.)

It is helpful because what you rename it will have more emotional stickiness. It will be in your own words and have a chance to seep into the marrow.

SEPI: some tricks to stay with the breath (audio)

I find staying with the breath super hard. And so, I would force it.  It works a bit, but not that well. I develop a resistance.

There is sometimes a place for forcing things, but not here. In meditation, forcing the breath is usually successful for that instance, but it doesn't build concentration or  wise effort or wise mindfulness. Forcing is imbued with impatience and reinforces impatience.

So, I've found a way to take a gentler approach:  SEPI

• Stay with the breath (~60%)
• Enjoy the breath (20-30%)
• Play with the breath (~10%)
• Investigate the breath (~10%)

The details of this are on my podcast, episode #3. (about 20 minutes)

https://anchor.fm/nothingisenoughbuddhism/episodes/Episode-3-SEPI-and-tricks-to-stay-with-the-breath-or-learn-more-when-you-fail-ejj2vk/a-a371s5k

UUDR.

Shorty: better but not really better

Realization:

If I criticize your version of GreedAngerDelusion by promoting my version of GreedAngerDelusion, that not very helpful. It might feel better, but it's not really better.

SHORTY: Something better exists

About 2 decades ago, I wrote some copy for an ad.  "Something better exists, but you can't have it."

With Buddhism, I'd change it to:
Something better exists, but you can have it.

More and more.

"We cannot truly overcome unhappiness by physical comfort alone; ultimately, the unhappiness created by human intelligence can only be alleviated by intelligence itself."

-HH The Dalai Lama in Essence of the Heart Sutra

I had heard things like this for a long time, but they never sunk into the heart.

SHORTY: the shiny fire sermon

When you start to see the fires of greed, the fires of passion, the fires of aversion, and the fires or delusion, ask yourself: what is skillful to do? It is very easy to be glamoured by what is shiny.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C4%80dittapariy%C4%81ya_Sutta

The five hindrances, expanded; the five subtler hindrances.

Buddhism has an amazingly large amount of numbered lists. It is almost like reading a buzzfeed web page. One of the lists is the Five Hindrances. The Buddha listed these 5 things as a complete list of all the hindrances to making progress on the Buddhist path. That means that if you have any suffering or greed or anger or fear or delusion and it isn't just the raw emotion but it's part of your brain spinning, that means it's one of these five hindrances.

The five hindrances are 

1. Sensual Desire
2. Anger and Ill-will 
3. Sloth and torpor 
4. Restlessness 
5. Doubt 

So if you're stuck, instead of just feeling this amorphous stuckness, this list invites you to analyze and get a little deeper into that stuff this. You can investigate and try on these five categories. Do these fit?

SHORTY: Safety first

The most dangerous person is someone who has nothing to lose. If a person isn't safe, they will go to great lengths to become safe. So, more than guns or drunk drivers, we should watch out for people who don't feel safe. And let's find ways to talk about it, bring it into the open.

The least safe people I know are zealots of all sorts. Who think their way of thinking is the only acceptable one. Because, for them, my existence as an "other" makes them feel unsafe.

I am continually inspired by monks who have nothing yet carry themselves with such safety. And I am continually shocked by those with 10,000 or 10,000,000 dollars who feel so incredibly unsafe.

Think about your own safety. How often do you feel safe?

Problems and solutions, a quote, maybe from gore vidal(?)

A writer once wryly said, "There is no problem in the world that could not be solved... if people just acted the way I think they should"

Easy to see absurdity and illogic when written plainly like that.

But how often do we act using this premise, without awareness or remorse?

Perhaps it is more shielded. The less hyperbolic version is something I think nearly all of America would get behind:

"There are some problems that can partially solved if people just tried acting in the way I think they should."

We've removed the hubris and softened the tone, but the core is intact. I.e., an attitude of "I know things and how they work. People should try my way."

In Buddhism, there seem to be multiple critiques.

Importantly, Buddhism isn't defeatest or super-subjective, saying that it's too hard to understand problems or that problems don't have simple solutions. In fact, the Buddhist approach is quite simple to describe. All phenomena have causes. Eliminate any of the causes in the causal chain, and the chain is broken, the phenomena is released. That's simple to describe, but the hard part is the causes. And the causes are often in deep and\or subtle habits or intentions of the mind.

Buddhism also says that everyone's problems are made up of the same primary forces, like greed, anger, delusion or clinging and craving. But, the expression of those forces is highly varied, so there isn't a one-size-fits-all checklist. There are markers on the (eightfold) path and the 4 Noble truths. But it's not a multiple choice test or a list of facts to memorize.

Buddhism also thinks about whether it's skillful or unskillful to have this attitude. Unfortunately for detection and evaluation, it's not black and white; There are mixes of virtue and lack of virtue that are quite grey. It's good to want to help people. It's not so good to presume the answer. And, if you don't address underlying causes and motivation, a lot of solutions don't stick. Also, you could be wrong because what works for you doesn't always work for others. In general, there is a lack of humility and an oversimplification in the attitude of know-it-all. For skillfulness, there are two frames: skillfulness for you and skillfulness for others. For you, even if you are sometimes right, being a know-it-all is not skillful for calming one's own mind.

You can be right in what you say and wrong in how or why you say it.

Buddhism also has some Dunning Kruger style critiques that limit the skillfulness of you supposed knowledge for others. You don't know what you don't know. So, you might fill in details yourself rather than going and checking them. The actual problem in others is not the same as the problem you see. But you can't see that because of your limited imagination.

Everyone inherits their actions. And their actions and the motivations... That itself is a problem. In fact, that's often the main problem, and a hairy and messy problem at that.

Finally, the initial statement isn't wrong, even in the grandiose hyperbolic version. The Buddha said that all suffering could be solved. And it can be solved by the 4 Noble truths. But the Buddha didn't have a subtext that most listeners insert... That it's easy or fast or that if you don't see it you are wrong or dumb.

As an interesting related statement, the Buddha only spoke about one problem: suffering. So if you have some other problem, like problems at work or a flat tire or climate change, the Buddha didn't touch those, except insofar as he talked about the suffering underlying the problem. In fact, in the 8 worldly winds, he said that nobody can escape blame or praise or pleasure or pain. But one can learn not to be blown around internally by them.

I think the writer was Gore Vidal. I have not been able to track down the quote origin.

Healing

Healing is not just removing the hurt.

Healing is seeing the causes of hurt. The consequences of hurt.

Healing is not getting what you want.

Healing is being able to understand the phenomena and feeling tones of not getting what you want & getting what you want.

Healing is not just making sure the hurt doesn't come back.

Healing includes understanding the hurt.

===

see Thich Nhat Hanh's poem:  Call me by my true names

SHORTY: Healed

Healed people heal.
Hurt people hurt.

-unknown

on judging

MUSING ON JUDGMENT:

A lot of people write, "I don't judge people." Sounds amazing. For myself, I'd be happy to strive for two smaller things:

1) being aware of my judgments arising.

2) not acting (automatically/autopilot/immediately) to my judgments.

This goes both for positive judgments and negative judgments. So, both "that's awesome" and "maybe you shouldn't do that"... trying to cut both out.

It is possible to watch the judging mind. It is possible to watch judgments form, morph, and dissolve. And eventually, it is possible to use judgments for justice, healing, and caring. And not just for the instant dopamine hit of being in the right, being the judge.

(From 2018)

Can we please change the world?

I feel like we need a new country. Like when fed up people, mavericks, left Britain to form America. They left behind the persecution of the church. Perhaps we need to leave behind the persecution of the stupid. The irrational, greed driven, anger driven, deluded. Leading us into unnecessary conflict.

(Blood rising)

It'd be full of people who can communicate, understand science, understand risk and probability, understand communication and emotional intelligence.  No lying or cheating. And people admit when they are wrong.

(Blood rising more)

Slogans:

No taxation without hypothesis testing! ?

Give me data or give me death!  ?

(Smiles).

Easier, though, to be a monk and gain enlightenment. Even though enlightenment is nearly impossible, it is easier than herding humans. 

Acknowledgements

Thanks Bia. Y.

SHORTY: Warren Buffett on integrity

"We look for three things when we hire people. We look for intelligence, we look for initiative or energy, and we look for integrity. And if they don't have the latter, the first two will kill you, because if you're going to get someone without integrity, you want them lazy and dumb."


-Warren Buffett
quoted from: https://www.businessinsider.com/warren-buffett-hire-people-with-integrity-heres-how-to-find-them-9

SHORTY: the 8 wordly winds

The sutta on the 8 wordly winds starts with a question. A person asked the Buddha if he was subject to pleasures and pains in the outside world? Gain and loss? Fame and disrepute? Praise and blame?

I remember the first time I heard the story, i thought for sure the Buddha rose above all this.

But no. All people experience those same 8 winds. The difference is that Buddhas and Arahants are no longer blown around by them.

Three short videos on breathing games

These are good videos for new meditators or experienced meditators about how to play and work with the breath.

1. (3mins) Breath Games 1: DIDO, double in-double out, with detailed instructions
2. (10mins) Breath Game 2: FFF, five finger fist breath meditation. Good for little kids
3. (13mins) Breath Games 3: Somatics, somaticizing the breath, ways to connect with the breath w hand gestures

I have found that making my breath comfortable and enjoyable have helped me maintain concentration on the breath. It's fine to play with the breath to help maintain focus. Props to Thanissaro Bhkkhu's work, which I have benefited greatly from and build on.

SHORTY: understand or smash

"What we don't understand, we don't like. And what we don't like, we smash."

Aisha Tyler, from self inflicted wounds.

End of chapter 3.

I highly recommend the audiobook.

SHORTY: hungry ghosts

I think I have heard a Buddhist explanation of hungry ghosts. What makes them hungry is that there's something they crave to feed on. Could be physical food. It could be revenge. It could be finding sympathy for their complaints. It could be anything. And what makes it's a tragic story is that they're doomed to never actually find the thing that satisfies their craving.

I wonder sometimes whether people act like hungry ghosts. Whether I act like a hungry ghost.

I wonder, what are the causes of becoming hungry ghost. And what are the causes for the ending of it.

SHORTY: mindfulness can still be self-delusion

"a common problem in approaching practice in daily life: a tendency to indulge in the self-delusion that can justify any activity, as long as it's done mindfully, as part of the path"

Ajaan Geoff, see https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/study/perfections.html on the 10 Paramis.

I give you permission to be a dick to me.

Today I read a timely post. "The coronavirus does not give you permission to be a dick to Asian people." I'm Asian, by the way. And, I agree with reminding you that it might not be skillful to be dicks to Asian people, like yelling for them to "Go Home" or "Don't get me sick!"

But, I want to offer an alternate take. One snarky and one Buddhist-y: "Yes, I do give you permission to be a dick to me."

Learn to do things you don't like, before it's too late. (Especially for parents, teach your kids)

Learn to do things you don't like, before it's too late. 

Why? Because, if you learn to avoid things you don't like, life is going to be very hard for you and those around you. HINT: Learn to play 2 instruments or 2 random hobbies or talk to / be friendly with 2 people you normally wouldn't.

Why might it be too late? If you've learned (through reinforcement learning) to only do things you like for 1 month, 1 year, or 1 decade... your brain is going to be very fundamentally primed to look for the easy stuff. So, when something hard or don't-like happens, the instinct is going to be to find a way around it.

A bit of caution to not "bypass" or "pretend" it actually is fun. For the kids (or yourself), don't say, "see, that was fun!" as that reinforces the subtle 21st century madness that everything is supposed to be fun and positive. Instead, say, "I know that wasn't fun. But look how we were able to accomplish it. How does it feel to finish something that was hard."

Masturbation Mondays, a buddhist-y harm reduction

This post doesn't quite fit with the learnedness of most of this blog. But masturbation is something I've struggled with and have had a lot of unskillful interactions with. And, according to Buddhism, something to be understood and dealt with skillfully.

I don't see sex as a bad or immoral thing. But, I do find that sex, for me, is a bit like junk food. It's something that isn't that healthy and something I do when I'm a bit bored. They say that sex is all about connection. It can be helpful there, but often when I'm really loving with someone, sex is not the way I want to express it. I can give goodwill, take care of them, cuddle, etc. I don't need the 30 minute fireworks display and the neurochemical soup afterwards.

SHORTY: Triangulating difficult emotions with Metta.

Loving kindness to even the most difficult emotions.
  But be careful not to feed.
Starve the causes of even your most difficult emotions.
  But be careful not to create (new) aggressions.

A way to summarize this is, be skillful, but keep an open hand, not a closed fist.
.

Eureka: loving kindness to my racing mind

Today, I had a breakthrough. In a retreat with bruni davila focusing on Metta, I experienced loving kindness towards my racing mind. It opened and released something I hadn't felt before. I realized I was gripping around my racing mind, having made great efforts to try to tame it.

I know all about racing mind for a long time. I have done so much Metta, I thought I knew it through and through. I didn't have much ill will that needed Metta any more.

Today, with some instruction on just seeing it, just feeling it, and saying okay with some ease--the moment was right and my mind was racing. And I faced it not with the usual "go away". I faced with with loving kindness, non aggression.

It was immediate and poignant. I had not done this before. This is a different route. Even as I write this, with a racing mind, I am reacting with loving kindness, not my usual hardness.

Eureka! Loving kindness when I'm triggered by an unruly, racing mind.

Three factor person test: fullness, safety, feeding

This is gonna sound harsh, but I evaluate every person I meet. I'm evaluating their actions, not their core being. I'll tell you why it's necessary at the end.

The evaluation is a 3 part test. Based on their actions, are they full? Based on the actions, how safe are they? Based on their actions and my actions, are either of us trying to feed on the other person?

Full and Overfull

Full has a lot of connotations in English. In fact, in the customary sense, it can mean fulfilled, complete, contented, lacking nothing. Those are hpful things in themselves. I notice these. The other dimension of full is about being "brimming full" or overfull. These people have brimming Todo lists or their mind is working overtime keeping track of what they consider important. If they are brimming or overfull, either they can't make space for the present moment (or me) or, if they do, it's going to cause stress and be a scramble. One great friend is a chronic overtasked and very smart. They get their Todo list done, but it seems like it's done with a lot of stress. Other people I know make a lot of (sincere) promises, but don't have the time to do it. Instead of choosing what to drop, they sometimes drop the least pressing thing (and not necessarily the least vital thing).

What does it mean if someone is overfull? First, just know they are overfull. Be aware that they are prone to flaking and being stressed. Since everyone is the owner of their own actions, there is no fixing needed. (Fixing, is, another task on an overfull plate.) If you know they might flake and you can't control them, give the gift of flexibility and not putting demands on them.

By the way, I'm one of the worst offenders of being overfull. These days, I am better and it's less frequent. But it still happens to me.

Safe

I've got another post (need to link to it) about safety. I'm not talking about how safe they are as in whether they might hurt me (though that does matter, too). The safety here is about their mind+body safety in themselves. The best non-pedantic phrase is: in your everyday life, what percent of the time do you feel safe? It's ambiguous in that I leave it up to them to decide what safe means. Sometimes they ask, "physically safe or emotional safe?" I say "up to you".  

It's not so simple as safe good, unsafe bad. In fact, the biggest unskillful actions arise when there is a mismatch between one's actions and one's safety level. (See other post on matching safe-level and safe-response.) Like if you are unsafe but are not taking actions to get safe. Prime culprits are just going out to have fun or doing social media... these might be okay and wise as short term distractions ("insteads"), but if these aren't giving safety, they are kinda like squandering precious time. A person can also be really safe and try to get more and more safety (gated communities, not going out at night, being suspicious of everyone).

For my own interaction, it's been helpful to notice their nonverbal safety level, not just their words. Going to Buddhism, this fits into right speech, and specifically about being helpful. I've had a lifetime of mistakes where I speak assuming the other person is safe, only to realize (via their actions) that they aren't as safe as I thought. I took a survey. About 10-20% of people I know say they are unsafe, 20% say they are mixed, and a bit more than half day they are safe, and 10-20% disagreed with the question or gave a nuanced answer. This helped me to realize, "I don't know" and to keep an attitude of "not sure". And, if I'm not sure, I don't even have a good guess as to how my words will land. So, now I do a lot more listening, checking in, and I try to give Goodwill. Goodwill (sometimes just silent in my head) is always comparable with any level of safety.

Oh, and I've been in all the categories. More than a year in unsafe. More than a year in safe. Lots of time in the middle. I've done right speech and unwise speech to myself, especially when I don't realize what level of safety I am at.

Feeding, on both sides

Feeding is a big one. It refers to things of the pattern: "I want you to give me ______ and then I'll be happy/happier." It could be delusional feeding because it doesn't make the other person happier. Or it might be accurate. It doesn't matter as far as the definition goes. Both are feeding.

Forms of feeding include:

*I want you to agree with my political opinions, about Obama or Trump.

* I want you to match my level of excitement about some food item.

* Ditto a music/movie star.

* I want you to validate my opinion.

* I want you to take my side in arguments.

* I want you to believe in my way of doing Buddhism

* You need to be nice/nicer to me.

* I need you to recognize how nice I'm being to you.

Etc 

The main consequence of feeding is inflexibility. If I need X it means I won't accept you unless you give me X. I've been guilty of this, especially around Buddhism and views. My views are important to me because they keep me safe and guide me. But, I was using them as excuses to write people off. That was unnecessary and inflexible.

The first thing to do is to notice feeding, in oneself and others. For myself, I have the following weaknesses:

*Wanting to feed on other people's smartness.

*Wanting their approval and praise.

*Wanting to discuss/argue/debate

*Wanting to be right

*Wanting them to be more Buddhist and aware.

The wanting isn't necessarily the big problem. The blind spot was that I was unaware of the inflexibility. I thought I was giving unconditional Goodwill and friendship. I was actually aiming for that, but putting lots of conditions on it. I was feeding.

I still deal with feeding everyday.

When I look at others, there is a skillfully selfish reason to care about feeding. Some people feed and feed and always want more. This is related to the notion of Hungry Ghosts in Buddhism. If I have a good guess, based on their actions, that they want to feed on me, it's on me to know and accept that possibility. And, when you stop feeding the other person who has a habit of feeding, they either get angry or disappear to find someone else to feed on.

A note: not feeding can and does mean more wholesome enjoyment. If they give us praise, we can enjoy it. And, if they don't, that can be okay. But, when I'm trying to feed on praise, any shortage of praise immediately goes to a blame game of what I or they did wrong. That's because it's a NEED, not a nice to have. My brain gets twisted and windy.

So, I've gotten to the point where I can cut it off at the root. Be aware of feeding. Wanting is fine. But demanding and throwing a tantrum or panicking (often silently, deep in the mind) if I don't get it, is unskillful. It does not calm the mind.

Feeding also creates big entanglements.

Why I filter with it

I used to filter on whether I liked another person or agreed with their views. But, I now know that people are often nice up front, only to really change when you observe more closely. In relationships, I used to phrase it colorfully with the rule: 10 meals before fucking.

My goal is to have unconditional Goodwill with everyone and, because boundaries are skillful, sometimes this means keeping some distance. This way of being skillful helps them and helps me.

When I get to know a person better, I'll often tell them a rule of mine. I don't owe you anything. You don't owe me anything. If anything is given or received, it is done as a gift. If you think you owe me something or that I owe you something, please let me know so it doesn't fester.

Fester into entanglements and feeding, is what I mean.

The really wise people I've met are not overfull, not feeding. On safety, I'm not really sure. I think they have reached a high level of attunement with their level of safety. If they feel safe, they notice it. If they don't, they notice that. Also, their safety might not be a big deal. They know it comes and goes.

I think, for my closer relationships, I gravitate towards low or no feeding. Safety and overfullness are all okay. I just have to read it and adjust my reaction and expectations accordingly, to be helpful and skillful for me and them.

For the short, everyday interactions, I just want to be aware and maintain Goodwill. Mostly for my benefit, but also for theirs.

For admirable friends, those that I think can help me on the path, I look for the qualities of the wise above.

To end with an obvious but impactful statement, using these filters has been 100x more helpful than using whether we like the same things, friendliness, or whether they are an environmentalist.  

I used to think environmentalists were saints. But now I know they are just as prone to being overfull, unsafe, and feeding habits as anyone else. And some people who is never go to a political rally with are kind and helpful; not overfull, aware of their safety, and not grapsing and feeding.

---

Related: https://nothingisenoughbuddhism.blogspot.com/2020/01/checking-in-with-your-safety-percentage.html The Safety Matrix

 

More and more, then what?

The Buddha cautioned about the desire for more. Speaking of money, I believe I heard he said, you can have a mountain of gold and this would not be enough.

I like the thought experiment: if I had 1000x money, would that make me permanently happy? If I had 1000x more sex.... If I had 1000x more friends; and not just any friends, the good friends who you can call at 3am. Or, maybe, 1000x more solitude. Or 1000x more fame. Perhaps 1000x more calm.

All of these are of the (delusional) thought pattern: if I had 1000x more ______, then I'd be permanently happy.

In fact, the permanent happiness pointed at in Buddhism is related to calming the mind.

Ajahn Munindo put it well in Seeing the Way, Vol2, to 2011.  At some point, the Buddhist path will ask how "skillful you are at holding 'not sure'". That not sure aspect isn't looking to make a change immediately, out of habit of need. The more&more pattern is often acting out of habit, without taking a look at whether more&more goes anywhere.

PDF book link. 

audio

I'm starting to experiment a bit with audio. Here: https://anchor.fm/nothingisenoughbuddhism

If you want what I think is usually better and from real teachers, go to:

Http://Audiodharma.org

Http://Dhammatalks.org 

SHORTY: On bad roads

Bad roads bring good people. Good roads bring all people.

Beware of teachers who feed on students

I noticed that the teachers I respect the most do not "feed" on their students. They aren't offended if their students disagree or gladdened when their students agree. For the benefits of the student following the path is for the student's sake.

Hence, one of the most virtuous actions for a teacher is to already be well fed. Or, better yet, not needing to feed anymore (which could be because of being well fed or losing one's appetite). It fits nicely into the notion of "nothing is enough", the namesake of this blog.

SHORTY: the path of mistakes

Shunryu Suzuki Roshi commented that "My life has been one long series of mistakes."

A little bit more...

This is actually based on a famous Dogen quote which is shoshaku jushaku in the native Japanese.

I liked that there are a few different translations and related phrases.

• To succeed wrong with wrong.

• When you shit on yourself, wipe it up.

-- sources: cuke.com, May 5, 2002 and June 28, 2007, "shunryu suzuki quotes"; and oxherding.com on 2008/08/21. 

Am I helping her? Or just wasting both our time?

I have a very entangling relationship with someone. She is very earnest about the dharma and seems to ask a lot of questions. There is also romantic history and a history of problematic friendship. And she is young, impulsive, all-or-nothing thinking, mercurial. So what should I do? (below)

SHORTY: The importance of training the mind+heart.

Your mind+heart can be your worst enemy or your best friend. The good news: your mind+heart can be trained and changed.

SHORTY: Sweet and sour life

I yearn to understand the sweet and sour life. Sometimes life is sweet. Sometimes life is sour. Over our lives, all of us will have sweet and sour. If we understand this, we don't crave the sweet or reject the sour.

In fact, in food, having sweet and sour together can be delicious, interesting, and rich.

This is related to another idea: All the emotional colors of the rainbow. Understand, and then learn to paint your life with all the emotional colors of the rainbow. Not just the sweet colors, and not just the sour colors.

SHORTY: Stilling, not killing

When we face negative emotions, especially greed, aversion, delusion, and fear, how we face them matters.

Though we do want to end these (kilesas), I've found the way to do so is via stilling, not killing. To still the emotion, sit with them quietly, watching the breath (or similar), and watch them arise, rage, and pass. Don't feed them.

Killing them, that is, using aggression to get rid of them, may actually feed them. It may work in the short run and sometimes, but not reliably.

This mirrors the suppression vs repression dynamic. To suppress and still takes effort and skill. Repression and killing is akin to running away or bottling up.

SHORTY: Imagination and "insteads"

A lot of my thinking has been about right/wrong thinking. One of the tricks to get out of it was the use of imagination and "insteads".

In particular:
DON'T: Think should or shouldn't I do this.
DO: What could I do instead?

DETAILS: (below)

Checking in with your "safety percentage"

I have a diagnostic I use. What percentage safe do I feel? *

Actually give a number between 0% and 100%. And then, figure out what needs to be done and (not done).

The overview: (below)

SHORTY: The way to get wise

The way to get wise is to get wise about the ways we get caught.

From Gil Fronsdal.
Video: https://youtu.be/abCjVbebw04
Audio: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/audio_player/9193.html

SHORTY: One more breath

We can achieve a lot if all we do is take one more breath, and make it count. Just one more breath. Any wish beyond that is unnecessary for this path.

Looking at Greed, Anger, and Fantasies

If you are on the buddhist path, one of the helpful beliefs is quite negative. We believe that there is stress (immediate or eventual) in all actions and thoughts. There are 3 forms of stress (dukkha), but two are easier to remember. There is either the stress of something unpleasant. Or, for positive things, there is the stress that those things are inconstant and eventually will go away. As an older person, my knees, my back, and my eyesight come to mind as things that eventually will/have gone away.

Stress is both immediately felt but also an abstract term. It's like that famous saying, "you know it when you see it." But here, it's more, "I know it when I feel it." So, I don't actually like using stress as a contemplation directly. Instead, go with the big 3 stresses: greed, anger, and fantasies.

It's quite easy to say, "everything has stress" and then go about our lives, patting myself on the back for getting that right. It's quite hard to actually apply it.