Then you realize everyone is the same.
And then, everyone is different."
(Recalled memory of some Dhamma story)
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Let's get the main point out of the way.
It is important and essential to practice the Dhamma in line with the Dhamma if one wants to make progress in Buddhism.
* Most people practice the Dhamma in line with their preferences.
* Looking for ways for Buddhism to justify what you like to do is a dead end
* It's okay and normal to mess up: to think you are in line with the Dhamma but actually aligned with your preferences or Kilesas. To notice one's off-ness... that noticing is in line with the Dhamma. (See blog post: path of mistakes)
It's important to entertain, skillfully and with good timing, "I am not special."
I've met a few people who really wanted to study some Buddhism or some path to the end of suffering (though they don't call it Buddhism). And, putting aside other flaws, they all had a flaw that they couldn't see: they thought they needed to understand and explain themselves before they could get started with Buddhism. I'd talk to them about the basics: maybe watching the breath, maybe Metta, maybe generosity/gifts. And, these people would mostly want to say, "that sounds good, but first I have to tell you about this feature of my life, and this argument, and this truth I discovered, and, and ,and..." Delay and distraction, maybe, (subliminally?). But, maybe just a unwise view that they needed to keep all those ideas.
It ultimately really hard to imagine a path that isn't filled with the narrative and goalposts we used to have. For them, Buddhism isn't about getting new, better goalposts (which is 100% true.. the eightfold path becomes the goalposts), but rather Buddhism is something they fit into their existing goalposts. And since everyone has different goalposts, snowflake like (they are similar, but different when looking up close), there isn't a surefire way to approach dismantling of goalposts. There are some regularities. Like dismantling the goalpost of chasing money. Or the goalpost of chasing pleasure. But romance is highly varied. And self-worth comes in 1000s of flavors. And some might even chase justice unskillfully. Or chase Goodwill and generosity poorly.
This isn't to look down on any specific person. I was stuck there for a long time. I was stuck where I thought I could fit Buddhism into my general do-goodery and save-the-world grandiosity. After all, Buddhism was good, and doing good is good, therefore, by my feeble-at-the-time logic that meant Buddhism and my do-goodery we're the same! I was so lost, I couldn't see my mixed up goalposts at part of the problem. I clung to the goalposts because they seemed like the solution.
Recently, the snowflakiness (pun intended) has manifested in people sharing their origin story or some essential narrative and saying, in essence: "I want to learn Buddhism, but first I have to tell you about these idiots I just roasted". And then a wall of text, 5 pages long, painting others in a light so that their own first player glory can be depicted. Tiresome
Was I ever this tiresome? Yes! I still am sometimes.
But I am noticing, and not falling into the hole I just dug.
When I do lapse, I mostly catch myself and laugh, remembering some key lessons.
* Gil Fronsdal telling me his one word wisdom: "ridiculous".
* My own mantra+koan: Rope and Wind
* 3 last breaths
* The simile of the saw
* 100 years, all new people
* Nothing is enough
* What is this (?)
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