In MN61, Instructions to Rahula, the Buddha instructs his own son. Siddharta Gautama left the palace shortly after the birth of his son to pursue the medicant/monk life. His son chose, many years later, to join the monkhood.
I get the impression that Rahula was a dedicated but kinda lax monk towards the beginning. In this sutta, we get the strong impression that Rahula lied about something. The Buddha chastised Rahula, pointing out that someone who lacks honesty has very little goodness in them. They can't be trusted by others. But they also can't be trusted by themselves.
But the main reason I want to share the Rahula Sutta is relating it to the path of mistakes. Buddhism isn't about getting it right on the first try through sheer force of will. We all have lots of accumulated habits and tendencies. I have found, in my own practice, that trying to impatiently bypass my bad habits doesn't work. They are repressed for a bit, but they just come back stronger when I am in a weak spot, with low ability to fight off old habits (sex, food, praise, money, comfort). Buddhism isn't about how we act when we get everything we want; it's a lot about how we act when things don't go our way.
In other words, notice greed anger and delusion. And know it when it arises. We need our "bullshit" detectors to be active. But our goodwill and gentleness to also be active. If our bullshit detectors are too vicious, the detectors themselves are greed anger and delusion.
So, Rahula made a mistake. He lied. If making mistakes disqualified us from the path of enlightenment or the more mundane path of improving our lives --- well, then nobody would be eligible. We've all made mistakes. The key is if we can learn from them.
And this is where the Rahula Sutta shines. Look to see if you made mistakes. Reflect often. And notice what you could have done better.
I want to make a special plug that your present path is not about avoiding any specific mistake. It's just doing better. The analogy in MN20 is of a carpenter that uses a finer/narrower peg to knock out a coarser peg. Suppose you are dieting to deal with a disease. If eating one chocolate bar stops you from drinking 2 liters of soda, that's a good use of the chocolate bar. The chocolate bar is useful. But, for another person, that chocolate bar is not useful.
It goes back to an idea I've used to a lot of benefit: What can I do instead? The more I reflect on "insteads", the less I am caught by my present situation. Being "hijacked" by my mind is usually a situation with very few insteads. What I feel is autopilot/compulsion/"I have to"/"I want it, I want it <tantrum>".
Each of us will have different insteads. And each of us will have to figure out which are the more skillful of the choices. We use those more skillful choices to develop and progress. We don't pretend we're perfect, or that our choices are perfect. But we can take pride in not drinking that giant 2L bottle of coke. Instead, we can eat a candy bar or a tootsie roll.
Thanissaro Bhukkhu talks often of abandoning a lesser happiness to pursue a greater happiness.
I'm on that path, I think. I used to take refuge in attention or praise. I used to take refuge in good food or money. Now, I've stopped taking refuge in those things (mostly). I have a good "instead". I take refuge in my own ability to be upstanding. To develop non-money wealth of character. I take refuge in the path. The triple gem is my refuge: Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha. And I take refuge in being aware and noticing greed, anger and delusion as it arises, rather than reveling in it. Greed anger and delusion are fun, admittedly, when we are ignorant of the long-term consequences. I can see the (not so) hidden dangers nowadays. That "seeing"/discernment is part of my refuge too, that helps me avoid entanglements.
I am getting to the point that my refuge is in myself, in my citta, my heart/mind. That feels like a good place to be. And feeling good in that way is, for me, very skillful. It helps me in the 4 exertions: abandoning and avoiding the unskillful/unhelpful, developing and sustaining the skillful/helpful.
The Sona Sutta (AN6.55) touches on this middle path and, hence, the path of "insteads". Rahula was told to notice the consequences of actions-- to see if things helped or not. If it helps, keep doing it. If it hurts, stop. In many ways, we all start out as spiritual infants, and we have to learn to crawl before we walk, or run. But, our brains tell us we are "grown ups" in the world of driving cars and going to restaurants, so we (and specifically, I) don't want to take the baby steps of spirituality.
Sona, as the story goes, was a monk who came from a very rich family. He struggled with the rigours and routine of his practice. Sona went overboard. I imagine he wanted to be the best. But that much effort wasn't helpful. He couldn't keep it up. The Buddha gave the simile of the lute in tune. Don't practice too tight or too loose. Practice with the middle way of effort, tuning to that which gives the most benefit. (This reminds me of the Goldilocks and the Three Bears story.) This helped Sona immensely. He focused not on aiming his practice at the endpoint, but aiming for good progress in the here-and-now.
What helps Sona (or you) develop skills quickly, accurately? That's what you should ask.
That's what the Buddha asked Rahula and all of us to do. Notice what's going on. What did we do? What results did we get? What could we have done differently?
There is some concern that the unwise will engage in self-serving bias, judging their actions and results on what they like. This is a risk. They might ask: Is it pleasant, comfortable? When, instead, they might want to tune into what is skillful and not just comfortable. But, this usually isn't that big of a concern, especially at the beginning. Crawl, don't run. It is enough to check if you've harmed others or harmed your own mind. Look for excessive greed, anger, or delusion. And, if it's not there, pat yourself on the back. Especially if you had the urge to do something that was obviously full of greed, anger, or delusion. And you chose the better "instead".
Good luck and goodwill to you.
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