Hatred: don't get worked up about impossibilities

The world is insufficient, insatiable. (From the 4 dhamma summaries). Especially, there is suffering for YOU around hatred and frustration if you feed and engage in it.

It is common in Buddhist circles to regard hatred as self-harming. This is true in the early texts (see Dhammapada). This is true in pop-buddhism you might find in a magazine. And true for Mahayanists and across Buddhist sects.

I recently found an amusing take on how to address hatred. It starts: "There are these ten ways of subduing hatred. Which ten?

Then it goes through having harm done now, in the past, and possibly in the future. And it says, "but what can you do?"

Then, it concludes with a flourish: [10] "One does not get worked up over impossibilities"

The impossibility (in my reading) is that you convince the other person to act differently.

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The other person may be breaking custom, breaking a social norm, be in the wrong, motivated by a misunderstanding, malicious, or even breaking a federal law. And it may be very true that they would harm others less and harm themselves less if they didn't cause that harm. But, from the equanimity chant, that all beings are the owners of their own actions, we don't get to make choices for others. If we wish it were different, one is getting worked up about impossibilities.

This is not to dominish the harm or to say law enforcement or a polite note isn't in order. But the hating... That just harm's our own mind. It breeds a hating habit when we don't get what we want. And speaking for myself, that hatred can spread quickly and broadly. I have hated mosquitoes. I have hated business partners. I have hated students. I have hated monks. I have hated the rain.

But all those things don't change by my hatred. The rain doesn't care. And the mean neighbor isn't going to be persuaded by my hatred. So, why get worked up over impossibilities.

Part of hatred is being hurt. And that part, we can look at carefully to gain wisdom. But the part of hate that is revengeful, story-making, and full of ill-will, that part isn't very helpful.

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an10/an10.080.than.html