I only recently learned about the dramatic tale of Prince Dighavu in the Buddhist canon. It tells the story of a prince, whose parents are killed by a rival king. Prince Dighavu sees his parents being mercilessly killed in the public square. His father shouts to him some cryptic words:
"Don't, my dear Dighavu, be far-sighted. Don't be near-sighted. For vengeance is not settled through vengeance. Vengeance is settled through non-vengeance."
The prince, in a wild twist of events, becomes the trusted servant of the King who killed his parents. The king doesn't know he is the prince. One day, out in the forest, he has an opportunity to avenge/revenge his parents. He pulls out a knife, but then sheaths it again.
The king awakens, dreaming that the prince is about to kill him. The prince tells the king he is the prince, but does so peaceably. The king asks for his life to be spared, and the prince responds that his life should be spared, too. Accordingly, they grant each other life and swear to each other friendship.
Later, the cryptic words of the dead father are explained by Prince Dighavu.
"What my father said to me as he was about to die — 'Don't be far-sighted' — 'Don't bear vengeance for a long time' is what he was saying to me as he was about to die. And what he said to me as he was about to die — 'Don't be near-sighted' — 'Don't be quick to break with a friend' is what he was saying to me as he was about to die. And what he said to me as he was about to die — 'For vengeance is not settled through vengeance. Vengeance is settled through non-vengeance' — My mother & father were killed by your majesty. If I were to deprive your majesty of life, those who hope for your majesty's well-being would deprive me of life. And those who hope for my well-being would deprive them of life. And in that way vengeance would not be settled by vengeance. But now I have been granted my life by your majesty, and your majesty has been granted your life by me. And in this way vengeance has been settled by non-vengeance. That is what my father was saying to me as he was about to die."
It's quite an amazing story, and one very much against the grain of what I consider to be American (and global) myth making of revenge and vengeance. The amazingness is to go the other path.
What about if the king were to kill the prince? Well, there's the Simile of the Saw sutta for that. It says, even if bandits were to hack your arms off with a two handed saw, you should not generate thoughts of ill will. Also amazing.
NOTES
The Dighavu story is also discussed in the book Recognizing the Dhamma (pdf or online version) by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.
The Prince Dighavu story is related in Mahavagga 10.2 (in context) and is told as part of an incident in the Buddha's community of monks. They were quarreling and wouldn't stop. (I think the quarrel was about bathroom etiquette and following the rules.) The Buddha found out and exhorted them to stop. He tells this story. But, even after 3 times of asking them to stop, they don't. So, he decides to leave.
Then the Blessed One, (thinking,) “These worthless men are hopeless—they’re not easy to convince,” got up from his seat and left.
Seclusion is not to be underestimated. But also not to be glorified. If one can find good companions, all the better. But, for myself, I have spent a lot of time reveling about people who care more about comfort than most else. Fun, but not the noble ones. Not bad people, but not ones where I benefit from following their example. So, I'm taking my friendship in many books, many chance encounters with goodness, and my own goodness, which I've taken a lot of effort to develop further and further.
Funnily enough, a quote came up from Jane Eyre in the Netflix show Anne with an "E" that seems to fit well:
“If all the world hated you, and believed you wicked, while your own conscience approved you, and absolved you from guilt, you would not be without friends.”I didn't notice the parallel to Buddhism the first time I heard it, but it just so happened to spark a connection recently.
With metta blessing, EC.
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