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Nothing is Enough // Or everything is not enough. // I have a hunger... //// The hunger is me. // If I feed it, it wants more. // Mostly, it wants something else. //// A wise person, said STOP. //

Saturday, December 7, 2019

Chill but not stupid

I'm not a very chill person. So that's one of the things I work on. I get worked up by ideas, from anti-poverty programs to the grocery store lines at Costco. My mind gets whisked away, hijacked. I never realized I could ask, "Why do I do this?" So now I'm trying to stay more chill, to not get hijacked. Or, at the least, not collude with the hijackers.

There's a voice in society and, hence, my head that says, "Hey. If you become so chill, you're going to lose your edge." Chill doesn't mean stupid. I'm still watching. In fact, I'm watching more. And my guardian is exercising the restraint muscle, rather than going on quixotic quests. Like whether the Keto diet is awesome or stupid. I have a new tool: "I don't know. And I don't need to know."

In another way, chill is like being a spy. Disguised by a California "whatever" attitude, we are easily satisfied by food, clothes, shelter. It really is "all good" on the outside. (In the sense that there is no need to get perturbed. Updated nov2020.) Which makes others think we are harmless, maybe even stupid. But we are watching and not acting, externally. Chill but not stupid. And that is rich action, internally.

Seeing way more, because we aren't hijacked by this food, this shelter, these clothes, or this relationship and how it's supposed to be.

PS Shout out to NS: even no expectations are expectations. So careful not to let "chillness" itself hijack me.

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