Looking at Greed, Anger, and Fantasies

If you are on the buddhist path, one of the helpful beliefs is quite negative. We believe that there is stress (immediate or eventual) in all actions and thoughts. There are 3 forms of stress (dukkha), but two are easier to remember. There is either the stress of something unpleasant. Or, for positive things, there is the stress that those things are inconstant and eventually will go away. As an older person, my knees, my back, and my eyesight come to mind as things that eventually will/have gone away.

Stress is both immediately felt but also an abstract term. It's like that famous saying, "you know it when you see it." But here, it's more, "I know it when I feel it." So, I don't actually like using stress as a contemplation directly. Instead, go with the big 3 stresses: greed, anger, and fantasies.

It's quite easy to say, "everything has stress" and then go about our lives, patting myself on the back for getting that right. It's quite hard to actually apply it.
That is, to start looking at everything and saying "____ has stress". Eating this delicious breakfast sandwich has stress. Driving in the desert has stress. Kissing a loved one has stress. Thinking thoughts about where to get water has stress. Though it's hard to apply, that's part of training the mind not to want to feed on things. Because, if we think something doesn't have stress, we will want to feed on it like a sugar addict on sweets. That's the bigger danger we want to avoid.

So, how do we get there? If you are like me (and most people), saying, "c'mon brain, let's see the stress in everything" is not very appealing. I don't like to look at the simple oatmeal meal I am eating and thinking about all the plants that were harvested, the land cleared, the farmer's time and all the hardships of farming. I just want to eat the oatmeal and be done with it. So, my advice, is to use some skillful means. At the beginning, don't try to do it in real time.

Practical Advice

If this is new to you and you don't find the idea that everything is stressful easy to accept, wade in: Pick one positive thing, one negative thing, and one neutral thing a day. With each of these three, look at the pleasurable side and also look at the stressful side. If you have trouble seeing it, consider these things:

• It is not going to last forever. It is inconstant.
• How much money did it cost? What did you have to do to get that money?
• Are there hidden blind spots?
• Ask a friend.

If the idea that everything has stress isn't hard to accept, then take some time at the end of your day (hopefully with a good habit trigger, like brushing your teeth), and reflect on more than 3 things. In fact, go through the three categories: greed, anger and fantasies.

Here's some of my categories from yesterday:

Greed:

• Walking around the grocery store, wanting to eat everything
• Sexual fantasies
• Wanting the life of DR, who seems to be happier
• wanting to join the group of people chatting and laughing
• wanting more hot springs in my life (I visited a hot spring)

Anger/Aversion:

• Anger at the cold.
• Anger at the line of cars/traffic.
• (this category includes wanting to push away, not just full blown anger. Annoyances fit here)
• My phone not charging
• slow internet
• annoyance that my mind wouldn't calm down for meditation
• annoyance against flies
• needing to poop
• the neighbor playing loud music

Fantasies:

• Wondering about my childhood and how it affects me now (a fantasy because it's not helpful in my moment; I was also using it as a distraction)
• I need to get more water. (while I have 2 gallons with me right now, and I'm never more than a half day from a supermarket).
• Maybe if I meet the right girl, I can be happy for a long time.
• Maybe if I meet any girl, I can be happy for a short time.
• What about that ex-girlfriend of mine, why did I leave that? (momentary amnesia, but then I remembered why we parted.)
• Maybe if I become famous, ...
• (my fantasies have the form, "maybe if x, I'll get y")
• Maybe if I travel the road, I'll meet x y z.
• If I only found the thing I'm really passionate for, then it will all be solved.
• If I only had more money...
• If I only had more friends...

Heedful

As you can see, the mind does a lot of unhelpful things. I'm big on the word "heedful". Heedful partly means being very careful with your actions because you believe they matter. But, I like this one buddhist story about pondering how much time you have to live. First, you think, what would you do if you knew you only had 10 years to live. What about 3? What about 1 month? Well, even thinking 1 month, that thought is too long for this higher level of heedfulness (which I nickname heeeedfulness). Because you will put off what you can do now. In other words, "whoa... 1 more month to live. I better do what needs to get done, but first let me do some netflix..."

So, for heeeedfulness, any wish for more time beyond one more breath is fantasy/delusion/unskillful/unhelpful. We can achieve a lot if all we do is take one more breath, and make it count.